by Jasmine Starr

Created on: March 01, 2009

My thesis on this subject, "Personal Values and Their Importance" revolves around the first word, which to me qualifies and frames the entire issue. That word is, of course, personal'. I submit that my personal values are important to me (or I would not hold them), but my values are not and should not necessarily be identical to those others hold.

The people who promote "values" and "morality" the most fervently tend to hold that there is only one valid set of morals and values, namely their own. They may cite the Bible or the Koran or some other religious text as their basis, but of course it is their own personal interpretation of selected portions of these writings that is the actual basis.

This issue often masquerades under the guise of "Family Values". In this context, the value system is typically representative of the nuclear family with monogamous heterosexual parents, often with children.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in such a family, so I do value that type of family. I also, however, value "non-traditional" families such as the one I am in now with my partner and, at least part time, with my children.

I believe that society needs to accept and understand that we are all different, and families are defined more by love and commitment than by blood relations and marriages. My partner and I are committed and monogamous.
My ex-wife may have been monogamous, but she was not committed (obviously, since she deserted me). I had a nuclear family with a wife and two kids, but there was a serious problem with commitment and mutual respect. My nuclear family failed. My current family is more solid and much more peaceful, and it has had a very positive effect on the kids.

In addition, the family values mantra often promotes very strict guidelines for sexual and gender expression. For many, the concept of gay marriage or being transgender violates their personal values. I have no problem with that at all; these people are entitled to hold their values whether I like them or not.

The rub is when those personal values are promoted as superior to my personal values and my freedom is consequently restricted. The values promoted then cease to be personal and become collective values that all are expected to hold. These types of value systems exist pervasively in the Middle East, in particular the Taliban. A Theocratic system is set up in which the government authorized religion establishes the moral code for all to follow.

I am passionate about this issue because I happen to be bisexual and transgender. Some will say I choose to be this way, but it really galls me when others suggest by that view that they know more about me than I know about myself. I know I did not choose this life, as it is a monumentally difficult and dangerous one.
Again, the concept of personal' values comes into play. If anyone personally believes (or knows) that they personally chose to be heterosexual with congruent gender identity I have no problem with that. I do not appreciate it when the same people discount my assertion that my own personal sexuality and gender identity are intrinsic and biological.

In summary, I believe there would be little or no debate necessary on this topic if we would all understand and observe that first word: "Personal".

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