If you are a good listener you will have advantages over others who do not practice this skill so frequently, or to a high standard. When we listen well we can gain knowledge and understanding of others, and about what is happening around us that we may otherwise have been oblivious to. We can also gain respect and a good reputation for being kind and understanding.

The key to being a good listener is to adopt the practice of what is called, 'active listening.' This is where you hone your senses so that you are able to focus directly on what is being said to you verbally, and via body language. By actively listening you are able to give feedback to the person talking, so that they understand that they have your complete attention.

The skill of actively listening is employed by counsellors and others in helping professions who know that this form of listening can be healing and helpful to others, while helping them to gain knowledge that provides them with information about how to best help the speaker in other ways.

Body Language

When you actively listen to someone you use not only your hearing but your eyesight too, so that you can readily receive the messages conveyed via body language. You also use your own body language as part of the process of focusing and showing the speaker that your thoughts are engaged in what they have to say.

As you watch a person speak you can pick up non verbal cues about how they are feeling, which adds weight to what they are saying and gives you some extra information. A nervous person, for example, may fiddle with an item of clothing as they speak or keep repeating a comforting gesture. These actions can reveal to you the speakers distress, even when what they say doesn't sound so urgent or isn't given importance.

You may watch the speakers body language so that you know when it is your turn to speak. The speaker will usually look away from you on and off as they talk, and then look directly at you when they want you to respond.

By facing the speaker and leaning in towards them slightly with your upper body, when seated, you can best hear what they have to say and send them the body language message that you are prepared to give them your full attention. You can nod, when appropriate, to show you understand what is being said.

Tone

As you listen you can learn allot about the speakers feelings by the tone that they use, as well as by the words used themselves. By listening carefully, and using non verbal cues at the same time, you will be able to tell whether a person is happy, sad, angry or scared, amongst a myriad of other emotions that might be involved.

When the speaker wants you to take a turn to say something, not only will they probably look up at you but they may raise the tone of the last word of their sentence, as though conveying a question.

Paraphrasing

To paraphrase you repeat back to the speaker what has been said, only in a shorter version and in your own words. By doing so you can clarify that you have correctly understood what has been said to you. At the same time you help the speaker to feel confident about talking to you as it lets them know that you are really interested and listening properly.

You don't have to be involved in a profession that helps others in order to benefit from being a good listener, as it is a skill which can be of benefit to you in everyday life. You may help a friend who is in a crisis, perform well in a job interview or impress new acquaintances with your listening skills.

Learn more about this author, Bridget Webber.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How to be a good listener?
We want to hear your view. Write now!