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Much to the chagrin of Al Gore and his adoring fan club, outdoor temperatures remain colder than indoor refrigerators. Though winter poses considerable threats to their doctrine, climate activists continually choose public humiliation over a beneficial hibernation (see case-in point below).

With a straight face and winter shell, Al Gore steps up to the podium almost slipping on a thin sheet of ice.

Unbeknownst to the crowd, he's been flustered by the day's prior events. As poor Al awoke that morning, a frigid breeze from the hotel air conditioner provoked him to a hair-drying homicidal massacre of nearby snowmen resulting in countless puddles, wailing children, and a short stay in the local prison.

Now hidden behind his cloudy exhalation, Mr. Gore warns of increasing temperatures and the "nightmare" of expanding tropics. As his speech comes to a close and the "applaud now" signs are raised, the crowd leaves caring less about the climate and more about booking a preferable cruise away from the chill and frostbite.

The above fictional, yet extremely probable, account reveals both the insanity and hysteria of global warming mania.

Even in the face of liberal elitist intimidation, "proofs" of man-made global warming are as easily debunked as "proofs" of Bill Clinton's claim: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." All that's required is a clear understanding of the evidence to contradict the bold, red-faced lies.

Out of pure ignorance, global warming activists claim that carbon dioxide is the sole cause of climate change. (Ironically, those who rail against hot air seem to spew the vast majority of it.) Much to the displeasure of the above mentioned, countless studies have shown that carbon dioxide is influenced by temperature, not temperature by carbon dioxide. In fact, ice cores drilled in Vostok, Antarctica, have led expert climatologists to conclude that changes in atmospheric CO2 lag eight hundred years behind changes in atmospheric temperature!

Faced with an ever-growing void of scientific evidence, Al Gore's sect of hopeless souls seeks to replace fact with fictionincluding the United States' threat to polar bear extinction. But before PETA officially converts to Islam so as to join the anti-American jihad, historical records of polar bear populations should be examined! According to Newsbusters.org, "The number of polar bears in the Davis Strait area of Canada's eastern Arctic has grown to 2,100, up from 850 in the mid-1980s. For those keeping score, that's an almost 150 percent increase in two decades." Despite these findings, the media continues to ignore the unprecedented growth that is also exemplified in other regional concentrations.

As both the cause and effects of global warming have been proven fallacious, Al Gore's popularity has mimicked the decline of recent temperatures. Sources close to Mr. Gore continue to report on his unusual contentedness cursing at goose bumps and watching "icebergs" melt in his morning coffee. For now, he remains unmoved.

Learn more about this author, Austin Cooper.
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