by Susan Manning

Created on: February 27, 2009   Last Updated: February 28, 2009

Almost every little girl dreams about her wedding, and this includes the proposal. We envision a romantic setting, and a very nervous man of our dreams down on one knee. This is the traditional view of the proposal. In today's society, it seems to be occurring less often, for a variety of reasons.

Many women today prefer to choose their own ring, having determined in their dream exactly how they want it to look. This gives the groom two options, to allow his bride to choose the ring before hand, or to propose without the ring. The first option eliminates all element of surprise and makes the proposal contrived and orchestrated. Part of the beauty of a wedding proposal is the effort the groom takes, on his own, to bring such joy to his beloved. If the bride desires to choose her own ring, then the groom should propose without it. A trinket, or even cigar band, used in it's place is often very romantic. Perhaps, an even better idea is a borrowed ring, perhaps a family heirloom, which can also be used as the "something borrowed" on the big day.

Another aspect of today's society that has impacted the traditional wedding proposal is the cost of many rings. A simple solitaire used to be the rule, but most of the engagement rings you see now are complex designs with many stones, and the cost of these rings goes well into the thousands. Since most potential grooms would have to buy it on credit, it's quite a costly gamble to take, without knowing she'll like it, or accept the proposal. It's also a rather large bill to take on for those starting a life together.

I received my ring nearly two months after the proposal. My husband had proposed four days after we met, by text message. It was on impulse, a desire from his heart he acted on without hesitation. Having a friend who is a jeweler, he then determined what I wanted, a simple solitaire, and commissioned it. He actually had me look through a catalog and would have commissioned and found a way to pay for any ring I chose. To me, the ring itself is not nearly as important as the love he was willing to put into it. I already had the love, so I didn't mind waiting for the ring. It may not be as big and fancy as a lot of the rings you see, but I can brag that this wonderful man loved me enough to have it made just for me!

The reasons a man may choose to propose without a ring are as diverse as the couples themselves. As with so many things, it is no longer a matter of tradition, but personal choice. The one aspect of the traditional engagement that has remained constant, is the diamond. Whether you have one or ten, big or small, or have to wait for it, it remains a timeless symbol of commitment and enduring love.

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