by Hannah Eisman

Created on: February 27, 2009

Scared?

Scared? Yes, I'm scared. Terrified in fact. Terrified I am going to develop a phobia. Yes, I'm phobophobic. I'm scared of phobias.

When I was growing up, I had normal fears, just like everyone else.. I was scared of spiders, I was scared of the dark, and what do you call those things with the really big sharp teeth and the claws?

Yeah, kittens.

But they were nothing compared to what I had to face when I became a parent.

Olfactophobia. A fear of smells. Well, it starts as soon as they are born! And it doesn't stop when they are out of nappies. I have a thirteen year old son. Even when his bedroom door is closed I can still kind of smell it. The thought of what will hit my nostrils is enough to stop me opening that door. What do I care if all he gives me to wash after a week is one sock and a t shirt? I'm not going in there!

And it doesn't stop there. Pediculophobia. A fear of lice. It doesn't matter what you do, or how clean you are, kids get lice. Some of the products you buy to kill lice come with a magnifying glass. Well throw them away, you won't need them. These suckers are big, and have names like Schwarzenegger and Stallone. If your kids get head lice, chances are you will get them too. You'll be going about your day, and start to feel an itch in your hair. You cannot imagine the horror when you actually pull one of these critters out of your hair.

What could be next? Not sure? Then let me tell you. Demenophobia. A fear of insanity. I have two teenagers, a full time job, a mortgage and personal debt that prevents me from buying the shoes that I like. Am I supposed to stay sane? Some of my friends would say why worry about that which has already happened? Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am not afraid of insanity. I am afraid of developing a fear of insanity. Sometimes I would welcome a little insanity. It is almost like having a weekend at the beach! I really don't want to develop demenophobia.

But the one that scares me most is ephebiphobia. A fear of teenagers. How can I hope to raise my children to be independent, upstanding, contributing members of society if I'm scared of them? Well, OK, to be honest, I already am a little scared of them. Especially the ones that hang out in groups at shopping centres.

Dizziness

Nausea

Breathlessness

A sense of unreality

Fear of dying

Well, you might think I was just describing how it feels to have dental surgery, but I wasn't. 10% of the population experience these symptoms when they encounter what scares them, those that have a phobia. One in ten people! I have nine friends, and none of them have a phobia. I just know I am going to be the person to develop one.

I have written the symptoms on the fridge in big letters with permanent marker, so I can keep a close watch on myself. At the first sign I will overcome my fear of doctors and get myself a referral. Should I go for the type of therapy where I learn new ways to react to my fears? Or go with the confrontational one, where I will be exposed for prolonged periods to the things that frighten me? I'm not sure, but please don't shut me in a room with a dirty sock, I don't think I could survive it.

Olfactophobia? Pediculophobia? Demenophobia? Or Ephebiphobia?

Scared? Yes, I'm scared. Because I just realised that I may move from phobophobia to polyphobia many fears! Scared? I'm shaking in my boots!

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