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Why people can't change

There are a number of factors which can contribute to a person's inability to change. Many believe they cannot change, and their negative mindsets keep them trapped in that belief. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Others fear change - "better the devil you know than the one you don't". Even though an individual's life may be filled with misery, heartache and negativity, it is what they know - it is their "comfort zone", and the fear of the unknown keeps them in that place. Still others resist change because their values systems need review. Personal values systems are the basis on which decision-making processes are based.

The bottom line is that people who can't change are people who really don't want to or fear change. In all of these instances, self-sabotage is at work.

A person's mindset will make the difference between success and failure. The Universal Law of Attraction teaches that all thoughts have energy. Negative energies have different wavelengths from positive energies, and since this scientific law that "like attracts like" prevails, negativity attracts negativity. As the phrases go - "what goes around comes around", and "what you think about is what you manifest".

The power of the mind over the body is well documented. Dating back to the origin of humankind, the "fight or flight" reaction kicks in whenever "danger" is perceived. Notice the emphasis on "perception". Even if no immediate danger exists, the mere perception of a threat to safety is enough to send the brain into a "fight or flight" defence. Change is unknown. The unknown is equated with potential danger. Therefore, change is to be avoided. Change is not possible.

Therefore, in order for change to occur, a change in mindset is crucial. Negative self-talk is as powerful as external talk. If one hears often enough that he/she is stupid or unable to be successful or unable to change, that person eventually believes it to be true. Once that negative message is adopted internally, it becomes an internal negative belief. The longer that internal negative belief exists, the less the willingness or ability to change exists. The more that one believes change is not possible, the more that belief becomes reality.

However, the good news is that negative beliefs and negative self-talk can be turned around. If a person sincerely wants to change their circumstances, a change in mindset will initiate that change. A couple of strategies work well toward initiating the change process: the STOP technique - when one becomes aware of a negative message (external or internal), picture a STOP sign immediately popping up - the message is "STOP thinking negatively"; when a negative message occurs, immediately think of a positive to off-set and challenge the negativy, so that a habit of positive thinking begins to develop and replaces the negativity.

Fear is a huge factor to overcome. People tend to live in their own "comfort zones", where they know what to expect in their lives and how to respond, and their fear of the unknown keeps them trapped in a cycle of repetition. The phrase "stepping outside one's comfort zone" is widely known as a motivator for change. From my perspective, "stepping outside the comfort zone" evokes a visual of standing on the edge of a deep cliff, looking down into a deep, black hole, and taking a leap of faith.

I propose a different phrase and a different vision. Within our comfort zones, we are surrounded by life experiences, education, knowledge, support systems, and so much more. When one takes a step outside the comfort zone, it's not about stepping blindly, unknowingly, unsupported into an dark abyss. When one steps across the comfort zone line, all of those surrounding buffers go along too, and the unknown becomes much less scary.

After the first step across the "comfort zone" line, the unknown immediately becomes the known. By taking one small step at a time, one assimilates changes in small doses. By so doing, one "expands" the comfort zone, as opposed to stepping away from it, and the change process becomes much less fearful. Once those first small steps are taken, the mindset begins to change from one of fear to one of possibilities.

The very same influences that shape positive personal values can shape negative values too. Personal values systems drive behaviours and decision-making. Poor choices beget poor choices, and on and on, because the choices are evaluated through the same filters. The negative cycle continues until the desire for change opens the door to a review of personal values and a re-set of the values that will propel future choices. The catalyst for achieving change is, as always, a desire for change.

Can a person change their values system? The answer is a resounding "YES!" No one is immune to change. It's a matter of choosing to embrace it or resist it. If people can't change because it is a personal choice not to change, not because they are unable to change.

Learn more about this author, Nan Einarson.
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