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The notion of the blushing bride being a virgin on her wedding night faded some time ago. Probably around the 1960's when women decided what was good for the goose was good for the gander. Sex came out of the closet, especially with the introduction of birth control pills in 1960. Women have always had sex before marriage. When they were caught, so to speak, a hastily arranged wedding took place and a baby was born six or seven months later.

Should people have sex before marriage? Most religions have something to say about sex before marriage and it is usually the word "no" but living in today's world people want to be able to try out the engine before they buy the car, as my friend puts it. That is a rather crude way of putting it, I suppose. There has been a double standard for hundreds of years when it comes to men and women and sex. Nice girls did not do it, only a certain type of girl did, and everyone knew who "she" was, especially the boys. I grew up hearing the expression "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Back when the Cleavers ruled the airwaves who could imagine June and Ward Cleaver being intimate? I just cannot wrap my head around that image. Some images are best left alone.

We are bombarded by images of sex everywhere we go; sex sells everything from cars to liquor to perfume. I seem to get three catalogues per week from Victoria Secret where models wear what passes for underwear these days. I am not quite sure who fits into it but someone must be buying it. We are a society that thrives on sex so why would that not extend to people having sex before marriage. Many people go through two or three marriages in a lifetime so they have definitely had sex before the second and/or third marriage.

The stigma of premarital sex is not what it used to be. Teen mothers, once relegated to a distant aunt's house, also known as a home for unwed mothers, are no longer shunned. Sex, birth control and disease prevention are all part of the curriculum in most elementary schools. I realize that there are still parts of North America where sex before marriage is considered an absolute no-no for girls going into adolescence. One only has to look at the outcry that occurred when the HPV vaccine was introduced a few years ago. The HPV vaccine helps to prevent genital warts and, down the road, ovarian cancer. It is generally given to girls who are about thirteen years old. Giving this to girls produced a backlash in some communities where the families said their daughters were not going to have sex until marriage. Nowhere did I read about the sons abstaining from sex. If the males do not abstain from sex, those young women who did abstain from sex until marriage are, as the saying goes, sleeping with everyone their new husband has slept with. Much better to deal with sexual urges realistically than pay for it immensely in the long run.

Sex is no longer an activity used strictly for procreation. It is supposed to be an enjoyable, intimate act between two people. Many people do not get married these days and just choose to live together. I realize that quite a bit of premarital sex takes place without the benefit of a relationship or love. People who are adult enough to handle that type of casual sex do not owe anyone an explanation.

The majority of the people enjoy sex. If adult women and men want to have sex before marriage, or even if there are no plans for marriage, I do not see how it is anyone business except their own. There are far more important issues in the world than what is going on in people's bedrooms and I think we would do well to stay out of them. I do not want anyone in my bedroom. Do you want anyone in yours?

Learn more about this author, Leah Curtis.
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