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Looking for God in the midst of personal pain

by Tina Altum

Created on: February 25, 2009

The roar of the plane engines rattled in my head as I fought back tears. I couldn't believe this was happening. My head was spinning and I felt a physical pain where I knew my heart was supposed to be. It hurt so much that breathing took conscious thought.

My parents sat beside me. My father was quiet and my mother was attempting to be positive. It was one of her gifts. When I was dumped by some guy, she always said "Some day he'll grow up to be a fine young man". While that statement always annoyed me, I knew she was probably right. She always wanted to see the bright side of every person and every situation. I admired that in her, but right now was not the time.

"We just have to pray for him."

"What's the point? God didn't save Nathan. Why would he save Lance?"

It was just a week before that I had boarded a plane exactly like this one to go visit my sister in Michigan. My sister, pregnant with twins, had met me at the gate and I was so excited I couldn't see straight. From the time she was old enough to hold a doll, she had wanted a baby. She begged her husband, almost from the first week they were married to start trying for one. He had held her off for three years, but soon after, she found out she would be a mother. It was not to be, however. Six weeks into her pregnancy, she ended up in the hospital and her dreams were shattered. She had miscarried her first pregnancy. We were all heartbroken, but our pain was nothing compared to her devastation.

So when the news came that not only was she pregnant, but we would have two precious babies, we were beside ourselves with joy. Our prayers had been answered. Now the disappointment from the loss of the first baby seemed part of
God's plan. We were being compensated for our suffering. All was right with the world.

My sister had planned very little during my visit, except a doctor's appointment where I would be given the privilege of hearing my future nephews' heart beats. She was only 26 weeks into her pregnancy, but being small in stature, her body was feeling the effects of carrying two babies. It was becoming difficult for her to get around. I thought she was the cutest pregnant person I had ever seen.

The nurse hooked her up to the monitor, and I heard the sound I had longed for. Tears filled my eyes, not just for my excitement, but for the dream my sister would have finally have realized.

My happiness was short-lived, however. The doctor came in the room and said that he was very concerned about a sudden

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