People who have lost a loved one to suicide are left in a cloud of grief, questions and even anger. There is so much that they look back and see clearly as warning signs that they missed along the way, which leads to feelings of guilt for many people. Hindsight is 20/20 as we've all heard and it seems that one of the times this is especially true is when we love someone, yet they leave us by choice. They are gone forever and we grieve for almost that long.
The most important thing we can have as we are going through the initial phases of our mourning is a good friend who will help us cope with the loss. Having dealt with this issue myself, I feel very lucky that I had plenty of support and love as I grieved. My friends and family gathered close and surrounded me with so much protection and consideration for my fragile spirit. I could have ended up a broken woman, but instead, I made it through, never alone and never forgotten.
If you are a friend of someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, there are things that you can do, just as my friends did, to help them through this awful, heartbreaking time. The first may seem the most simple, but it is the most important. Be there for them. Too much time alone will not be a good thing for them at this time. Your presence will be reassuring and you need not even feel that more than that is needed. There are no words that will make the pain go away, so if you don't know what to say, it's okay.
Your ears will be more important than your mouth at this time. Be a good listener and hear what they need to get off their chest. They are probably feeling so much confusion that they'll need to hear themselves talk it out. When you do speak, choose your words carefully. Do not ask too many questions because they don't know the answers any more than you do. Allow them to talk and to cry. Their tears will bring eventual healing.
When you do talk, make your words encouraging for them. They may be doubting their own value since, in their minds, they couldn't save this person they loved. Remind them how much they mean to you and affirm their value. This can help to quell some of the inevitable guilt that survivors feel. Communicate to them that you understand there was nothing they could do to prevent what happened.
Avoid sharing your own religious beliefs regarding the souls of those who commit suicide, if you have them, and most especially if your belief is that they are condemned to Hell for eternity. This is a controversial topic at best and there is no need to give them more heartache than they already have. Nothing will be accomplished with these conversations.
Encourage them to get some counseling if the end of their grief is not in sight after a time. Grief counselors are incredible assets in the mourning process that takes place after a suicide.
Coping with the suicide of a friend or family member is a difficult task to have to undertake. The road back to normal life may be long and arduous for the survivors. Being a friend to them is important and it will be appreciated forever, even if you feel like you aren't being very helpful at the time. They will heal and when they do, they will be extremely glad that you were there to help them along on the journey.