by Sophia Tesch

Created on: February 25, 2009

Divorce can be one of the most painful experiences that a human can endure. It is natural after experiencing that type of pain to ask the question "Can second marriages work?" and the answer is Yes! After some personal preparation a second marriage can work.

A common mistake people coming out of divorce make is to rush into a new relationship too quickly. Temptation is strong to escape from the emotional pain and loneliness of divorce by submerging oneself into a new affair. This type of relationship is less likely to last because no time was taken to review what issues may have caused the previous marriage to fail. It is important to take some time not only to heal from the previous relationship but to take an inventory about what worked and what didn't.

It is easy to say the other person in the marriage was completely responsible for its failure. When some time has passed and one can reflect on the issues from both sides of the marriage strengths and weaknesses can be seen more clearly. Often some learning is required, some truths told to one's self, and some new ways of coping established in order to enter a second marriage as a person who is able to sustain a long term relationship.

Another purpose of time alone is to become a whole person. It is possible that a previous marriage didn't work because a marriage partner was expected to fill a personal gap. The hope in turn is that a new partner can then fill such a gap and this sets a relationship up for failure. It is important that each partner entering a marriage is in his or her own way whole. It is good for personalities to compliment each other so that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts , not a crutch on which one or both partners are leaning on. A marriage must be entered into not because a couple feels they need to, a successful marriage is entered into because the people involved want to.

Second marriages can bring with them more complications and stresses than a first marriage. If there are children involved from previous marriages there are relationships to be built with them. Many times this involves some sort of interaction with ex-spouses. Boundaries must be put into place and an understanding that nothing will come between the health and happiness of the partnership of the second marriage.

Many times when a couple enters into a second marriage they have learned from past mistakes, are more mature and self assured in their outlook on life and are more prepared to enter a long term loving relationship. People who have a better sense of who they are as individuals and what their personal boundaries are have a very good chance of having a fulfilling and successful second marriage that can truly last a lifetime.

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