by Sheralyn Welch

Created on: February 25, 2009

As someone who was raised a Catholic, I see the word 'suicide' and immediately think of instant hell and damnation, with no possibility of parole. In my faith, suicide is possibly the worst sin there is. I remember being a young girl, sitting in catechism class, listening to Sister Regina rant and rave about the certain eternal damnation that suicide brings. I believed it then, and there is some small part of me that believes it now. But there is another part of me, the woman who has seen so much more than the young girl I was, who understands, and even accepts, a human being's personal right to end his or her own life.

Terminal illness is a terrible thing. It brings unbearable pain and grief not only to those who suffer it, but to those who witness and live with it. I am not the Blessed Mother or Jesus Christ or Mother Theresa. I realized long ago that I don't have the capacity or the strength to watch someone I love suffer unbearable pain. I doubt that I could endure it myself. And so, if I were terminally ill, I know I would want to hasten death if I could, and in doing so, spare my child from watching her mother die a horrific death, because I know that she isn't Mary or Jesus or Mother Theresa either.

Mental illness is also a terrible thing. For some, it is a prison from which there is no escape. I have known people who were incarcerated in that prison, and for them, the thought of death actually meant having the chance to live a whole life in another reality or existence. Who am I to say that they are wrong? Those of us who live relatively sane lives and who are able to live and work as so-called normal people, cannot know the pain of severe mental illness, or the desperation of wanting to escape it. The best many of its victims can hope for is a medicated existence that lets them wake up every day, eat and sleep. I'm not suggesting that it's the same for everyone who suffers mental illness. But for those who see this kind of life as no life, who am I to say: You must stay.

Years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a priest who had spent many of his years living in countries all over the world, and later on, here in the United States. He had been born and raised in Italy, and was a son of the traditional Catholic church. He worshipped and celebrated God's word in every way and never strayed from caring for the underprivileged or the helpless. He was a great and kind man. One day, my friend asked him what he thought about suicide. He said, "I believe that God understands the hopeless soul; I believe that God forgives the decision to leave this Earth because God understands how unbearable it can be to live here. Some of us are able to cope; others of us do not have the strength. But God is a great God, and far more caring than we know. If I can have empathy for these souls, I know that God does, and far beyond anything that I can understand."

This priest's words resonated with me for a long time, because he, with all his humility and dedication to God, saw God in the same light as I do. Suicide is a choice that comes from free will, which, in the case of the terminally ill or the mentally ill, is the one thing that bears witness to the free will of all mankind. Whether you are an atheist or one who believes in a supreme being, there is no greater gift than free will. Suicide is free will. For that, I thank God.

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