by Mimi Ashworth

Created on: February 25, 2009

Catching a fly is quite amusing in my house. We first start with" SHUT THE DOOR"! That puts us in defense mode. And then we grab our trusty dusty flyswatter and go to town. Wack! Wack! Wack!

Now this flyswatter is sad. Fuchsia in color and adorned in beige masking task (it broke during one of our onslaughts). But it can still smash the best of them to our windows (Windex and Bounty are our best friends). We tried hanging those little sticky paper fly traps all around the place, but they only attracted spiders.

And speaking of windows, our poor blinds have taken on a life of their own. Some are hanging haphazardly. Some no longer close with the flick of the wand, but have to be coaxed and caressed into flipping up each night. Sometimes I go through 3 commercials on the TV before they even act like they want to close. Needless to say I start closing our blinds early - before the sun goes down.

We also no longer have to worry about whether or not the blinds are light filtering. Because of my child's bad aim, they are all light filtering! You should see the many holes and tears that my child has created while learning to kill his first flies. We no longer have to visit our local planetarium, because on a clear night our family room is lit up just like one.

But flies really think that they are smart. They buzz all around in attack mode and wait until you walk away to land on the top of your favorite mug or plate full of piping hot spaghetti. Talk about disgusting. Now honestly, how many of you dump the contents of that mug and plate? They are known to land on anything and if you don't know what I mean - ask Fido.

So how do you catch those suckers? A dish towel! A dish towel can become a weapon of mass destruction in no time. Wind that baby up and sling it out. Zing! Pow! Watch the flies hit the floor.

And if they continue to wiggle when knocked down, go for the shoes! SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT! There, got them! And don't forget to rush to the nearest bathroom and grab a wad of toilet paper, so that you can have the honor of FLUSHING their little butts. Oh, what joy!

Flies do not stand a chance in my house. That little bzzzz, bzzzz gets on my nerves. I am so in tune to that sound that I search high and low until I find their little hiding spot and then I go for broke!

It is either me or the fly. And since only one of us can pay the mortgage each month - See ya! BAM!

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