I already had three babies born by Caesarean Section and on July 17, 1989, I was about to have my fourth. Needless to say, I was scared, because all I had ever heard was that a woman was not supposed to have more than three for her health's sake. The problems it would cause me, I never knew exactly, but it was enough for me to deny the fact that I was pregnant to everyone I knew, even my dad. On top of that, I had to deal with my one year old's medical condition.
I had just started working in August of 1988, and this was a chance for me and my family to break free of the cycle of dependent' living. I was not trying to have another child and so I faithfully took my birth control pills. I did not miss a day, but the months of October and December, Mother Nature decided that she would miss her monthly visits. So, I went to the doctor later in December just knowing that my period was going to show up any minute, but I found out otherwise. After the doctor did his initial exam he informed me that I was six weeks pregnant, and to prove it to me, he allowed me to hear through his stethoscope the baby's heartbeat. I could not believe it; I was just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, what else could happen?
Then I noticed that there was something wrong with my then one year old. He was jumping and shaking uncontrollably and his eyes were rolling up into his head. I knew this was not normal so I took him to different children's doctors and then I found out that he was having seizure disorders, (something called, Lennox-Gault syndrome). In the meanwhile, I chose not to go back to my doctor, and I made the decision to keep working. I had to stay busy, as if taking my one year old to different hospitals for treatment to find out the cause of his seizures was not enough, but it did begin to take its toll on me. So in March, I took a leave of absence from my job, because my baby boy was getting worse and had to be at the hospital almost on a weekly basis. Dealing with this, it definitely kept my mind off what was going on inside my body.
I was getting bigger and bigger in the stomach and every time someone would ask if I was pregnant, I would just tell them that I was getting fat. There was no way I was going to admit to being pregnant. I had denied my pregnancy for so long that I began to believe it myself, that there was no bun in the oven. Whenever my dad would come to visit me, I would be wearing big shirts that hid my stomach, to a certain degree. I wouldn't go visit him at his house, because I knew that my step-mother, being a woman, would realize what I was trying to hide, and I only wanted a select few to know my secret.
In May of 1989, because I started to feel the baby kick I decided to go for prenatal care. I think that was the moment the baby became real to me. I had to have my prenatal care at a hospital because I waited too long to be registered with a more personal physician. And also because I had three prior C-Sections, the doctor had me coming to see her every two weeks until the last month then I had to come see her every week and that is when she gave me the date to report to the hospital to have my baby. Then it really hit me that I was about to go into the hospital to have my fourth C-Section. Everything I was going to take with me to the hospital was already packed, but I looked around to see if I was missing anything, and that is when I saw it...my bible. I packed it with my other belongings and I thought right then and there, that if I ever needed God, it was at the time.
As I lay on the table having an ultrasound done so that the doctor could see if the baby was in the correct fetal position they also had to determine whose heartbeat they were hearing, mine or the baby's. I was so scared that my heartbeat was drowning out the baby's. Afterwards, the doctor asked if I would like to try to have the baby naturally. After thinking about that for a few seconds, the only thing I could think to ask her was, "Do you have any documentation showing that a woman could have a baby naturally after already having three C-Sections?"
She told me that there was not really a lot of information, but maybe we could try. We? Nope, not for me, I immediately told her that I did not want to be experimented on so we' could just continue with the plans for the C-Section. Besides, guilt was already starting to settle in because I did not have proper prenatal care in the beginning and I started thinking that something could be wrong with the baby because of my stubbornness. When it came time for me to be taken to the operating room, I remembered to leave my bible open to the 23rd Psalm, just in case. After the anesthesiologist put me under, I remembered so vividly these beautiful colors surrounding me, and I felt peace as I have never felt it before. With everything the doctor was doing to me the colors would change and I felt as if God Himself was with me in that room. (When I say everything, I mean that I had the doctor tie my tubes while she was in there.)
So, on July 17, 1989 at 2:23 pm I had a beautiful baby girl delivered via C-Section, my fourth and also my last one. I had my cousin call my dad from the hospital and when he found out that I had delivered a baby, he was very upset because I had not let him in on the fact that his only daughter was pregnant for nine months and delivered a baby without telling him. That is when I realized that I thought he would love me less for having another baby out of wedlock, but he forgave me as my Heavenly Father had and like my Father in Heaven, his love for me never ceased. My son's seizures stayed with him for a period of six years and he was diagnosed as a chronic asthmatic when he was four years old as well as developing a learning disorder because of the seizure medication he had to take.