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As the twig is bent, so will the tree grow. Fortunately for us, our children are not twigs and they will not become a tree. Although there are many ways we can influence our children as they grow, they will still end up having their own "free will." That is, they can still make their own decisions and choose what they want to do. In fact, if we, as parents, do nothing else, we need to teach our children how to use their free will and decision making abilities.

There is definitely something to say for providing a good, sound, environment for your child. A positive upbringing will only give your children a head start, it doesn't guarantee anything though. There are so many external forces, working on every one of us, at all times, that to think the parent's influence is the only or the strongest one, may be a bit presumptive.

True, a child can learn much better, the younger they are. I have been told that the ages of two through six are the best years for teaching someone a foreign language. That makes sense to me. A child's mind is wide open, it is a blank slate, they have nothing but to learn. The more we can expose them to, the better their chances of learning, more and more.

To say a parent is responsible for how their child ends up as an adult, is as ludicrous as saying violent movies make someone a killer. If that were the case then too many love movies would make someone a gigolo, or too many comedies would make someone a clown, too many westerns would make someone a cowboy. Free will is what makes someone, anything. We all have the ability to say yes or no to any stimulus we may encounter.

I have certainly made the wrong decision several times in my life. It wasn't Mom's fault, or Dad's, it was mine. I didn't think things through or I went for the easy route instead of the smart one. I'm sure you can remember the time you made a wrong decision. Was it your fault or the fault of one or both of your parents?

I hold a lot of my Dad's personality characteristics today, some of my Mom's and even some of other prominent teachers in my life. But I hold them only because I want to. Nobody is to blame. This is one of our primary problems as a society today; we seem to always want to point the finger at someone other than ourselves. It's as though we cannot do anything for ourselves.

I married a lovely woman who already had two daughters; one of them is a sweetie and the other one can be compared to a truck driver. The truck driver screams at the top of her lungs at her Mom. She doubles up her fist and snarls until her teeth show. She makes a growling sound and cusses like a sailor, all because her Mom is in disagreement with her. Where did that come from? Certainly not her Mom, I would not have been interested in someone who carries on like that. This girl has made her own decision regarding how she will treat her Mom. It isn't a result of anything her Mom has done. For one thing, her other daughter would never, ever consider raising her voice to her Mom, let alone shake a fist at her and snarl and growl and cuss.

Parents are responsible for bringing the child into the world and for ensuring it nutrition and nurturing, until that child can take care of itself. That's where the responsibility stops. When the child is free to make decisions on their own, is when the parent's influence diminishes. No, the way your child acts as an adult has nothing to do with you as a parent, it has everything to do with that individual as an adult.

Learn more about this author, Gary Maclean.
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