by Jenny Tolley

Created on: February 24, 2009   Last Updated: February 25, 2009

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship can be very tricky, especially when you are the subject of the abuse. Most people go into relationships with high hopes and the very best of intentions. It can be tough to admit that your relative, spouse, significant other, or friend is abusive. Moreover, realizing that you are the victim of abuse can be very embarrassing and humiliating, especially if you happen to be male. It's important to remember that abusers can come in all shapes, sizes, and genders.

An abusive relationship often starts with a lot of flattery and attention. Someone with a tendency to abuse may move into the relationship in a wild rush. An abuser may shower you with attention, gifts, and favors, so much so that you may feel overwhelmed. Proceed with caution if you've only been dating someone for a few weeks and they suddenly declare you their true love or soul mate. Abusers tend to move into serious relationships quickly. You may even be faced with a marriage proposal within weeks of meeting an abuser. On the other hand, your abuser may have had a long history of failed relationships. Chances are, even though he or she is claiming that you're "the one", others before you have also heard the same thing.

Abusers often give subtle hints about their true character, even at the very beginning of a relationship. For example, when you first start dating an abuser, you might notice that he or she is rude to people in service oriented jobs. Be especially on guard if your new love interest is ever mean to animals or children, even if he or she treats you like royalty. That cruel behavior is potentially a window into your future.

Once the abuser has you firmly in their clutches, you may start to notice subtle changes in their behavior. Perhaps at this point, he or she is no longer so eager to pay you compliments or buy you gifts. Instead, you might notice that the abuser's comments toward you are more negative. He or she may make jokes at your expense, sometimes even publicly. He or she might start to insult or belittle your ideas, interests, or appearance. You might hear that you should feel fortunate for the abuser's affections since no one else would ever want to be with you.

Abusers are typically jealous and possessive. At first, their possessiveness may be flattering, but after awhile it becomes unreasonable. The abuser might ask you to stop seeing your friends and family or demand that you account for the time you spend away from them. Abusers

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