by Doug Burrell

Created on: February 24, 2009

HOW I PICKED UP BETH
The first time I saw Beth
A thought came to my mind
"I'd really like to meet her"
But I needed a good line

And so I asked my friend
To give me some advice
He said, "Just go up to her
And tell her she looks nice"

So later on that day
I saw her all alone
I said, "You look as good
As a 'Grade A' choice T-bone"

I could tell that she was flattered
By the look upon her face

But then she grabbed her keychain
And sprayed me with some mace

So I went back to my friend
And said, "It didn't work
I need another line
One that doesn't hurt"

He said, "Just be yourself
You don't need to use a line
If it was meant to be
It'll all work out just fine"

So I saw her once again
And said, "Holla girl, wassup?
I don't need to use a line
To pick your cute self up"

Then I looked her up and down
And said, "I'm real impressed"
She said, "You don't have a clue
And quit staring at my breasts"

Then as she left I knew
I'd been rejected once again
And as my tears fell down
I went back to my friend

He just shook his head
And said, "I'm sorry Doug
She might not be the one"
Then he gave me a big hug

But I told him he was wrong
I knew she should be mine
And so I went up to her
And tried just one more time

I told her I was sorry
For the things I said before
I didn't mean to make her
Feel like a dirty whore

I told her I get nervous
Around a pretty girl
And she must've been the prettiest
In the whole wide world

I apologized again
And said I understood
If she didn't want to see me
And thought I was no good

And then I turned around
And began to walk away
And that is when I heard
Her voice behind me say

"Wait a minute Doug
I know that you meant well
It's just you're kinda goofy
And unattractive. And you smell"

"But underneath it all
Even though you're still a geek
And all of my friends hate you
I think you're kinda sweet"

And then I turned around
And said, "It must be fate
And that I would really like
To go out on a date"

She said, "Okay, I'll go
But you must understand this
I'll cut your f*king balls off
If you try to get a kiss"

And so we made a date
And I had to catch my breath
And that is the true story
Of how I picked up Beth

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