by Virginia L. Allen

Created on: February 23, 2009   Last Updated: February 25, 2009

"Words have power"- so states the old adage. Never has such a simple statement, produced such a powerful meaning.

Yet, in a world governed by freeness of speech, where one's right to express his own opinions and feelings (regardless of how it effects another) is put in the forefront, often this simple statement is pushed aside; ignored; simply to be classed as an antiquated notion.

However, popular notion or not, words have power. Whether they are being used to build up, or tear down, a tangible effect is always felt.

Unfortunately, more often than not, the harmful effects of poorly chosen and thoughtless uttered words, are often felt in the home environment. Obscene language, abusive speech, and biting sarcasms are considered the norm. In addition, cursing and profanity have become a part of everyday speech. Rarely is there commendation, utterances of graciousness, and expressions of love, care or concern.

The result? Deep emotional wounds, crushed spirits, shattered self-esteems, and destroyed relationships, just to name a few. Everyone involved is effected. Degrading name-calling and harsh, relentless criticism, can strip others (including the victimizer) of their dignity, and leave them feeling worthless and unwanted. The use of obscene and vulgar speech not only offends, it also degrades and insults the sensibilities and morals of the one being spoken to - as well as the one doing the speaking.

Unfortunately, it is the tender and trusting hearts of our children, that are especially vulnerable to the crushing and often life changing effects of such harmful speech. Since approval and commendation are to children, what water and sunshine are to a plant, subtracting this from the formula, only to add speech that harms, will only result in a withering away of your child's dignity, courage, confidence, and self assurance (if any was ever established in the first place).

Therefore, what can one do to ensure that one's words have a positive effect for all involved?

* Think Before You Speak.

Because of imperfection, we've all said things we later regret. Therefore, before you speak ask yourself:

1.) How would my words (including the tone used) effect the person being spoken to?

2.) Will my words build up or tear down?

3.) How would I feel if I were being spoken to in the same manner?

4.) Are my motives behind my words pure, or do I have a hidden agenda?

5.) What do my words (including the tone) reveal about me as a person?

* Offer Sincere Commendation.

1.) Teach yourself to look for the good in others.

2.) Look for ways to offer sincere commendation (to your children, spouse, and other family members).

3.) Keep your speech positive.

4.) Make sure your speech is always; wholesome, true, and kind.

It is vital that we recognize that spoken (and written) words have immense power. Therefore, we want to ensure that we use our words to heal/buildup, not hurt/tear down.

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