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"Can we still be friends?" Many express horror at the thought of becoming "just friends" with their lover. What brought you together in the first place? Was it an inclination to know each other better or merely lust? When you connect with someone beyond chemistry, friendship grows naturally and true friendship can remain long after the excitement of new love retreats.

If you have found after spending time as lovers the chemistry is not right, or the quirks of being human are not compatible, does that change the desire to continue being a friend? For many it does and therein one good reason the relationship didn't have a chance in the first place.

However, if you have learned enough about your lover, to see them with unconditional love, if you have a connection that brings the two of you together to talk, to vent, to share, to laugh, and cry, then continuing the friendship will seem natural. Obstacles, social or otherwise, will not stay true friends.

Experience has shown me others are uncomfortable with the idea that you have stopped living with or dating someone, yet the bond remains. Our belief system is programmed to believe someone needs to be to blame for the break-up. We tend to think because we cannot live with someone, we love, that our love is not real. Is it so hard to believe that sometimes love is just not enough? Yet, you can know in your heart that if that person is in trouble, needs a safe place to land, or someone to talk to in confidence and trust, you will be there in an instant. This is the meaning of true friendship. Why would you deny your feelings, in order to meet the rules of those who do not understand the blessing of unconditional love?

Examples from my own life as well as others show that some of the strongest, long-term friendships come about because two people have shared the intimacy of lovers. That intimate knowledge, deep trust, and respect would enhance all of our relationships. When we have found that depth of feeling and emotion with another, why would we want to let it slip away, based on social expectations? Why look back in our elder years, regretting the loss of a potential life long friend, simply because passion faded.

If love remains, then working through what is comfortable for the two of you, in terms of interaction is well worth the time, patience, and forgiveness required to make the transition from friends and lovers to friends sharing unconditional love. It is more than worth the risk of envy and criticism by those who call you friend, but are not prepared to stand by you without question.

Yes, we are still friends, for friendship never fades. I cannot deny the love I have for you. It may be something stronger than chemistry that allowed us to examine our relationship more deeply and more intimately than I have with other friends. I am grateful for all you have shown me about myself. I might never have had the chance to learn but through you.

Learn more about this author, Julie Melville.
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