by Jerrie Lynn South-DeRose

Created on: February 22, 2009

How to Deal With a Child Who Fights in a Positive and Effective Manner

Whether it is a difference of opinion, a toy or another item one child wants, or some perceived wrong, children will get into fights. Children have different characters and personalities. There are, however, steps parents and other caregivers can take to turn a fight into a positive learning process for children when they have crossed the boundaries set for behavior in the home, in the car, or outside the home. One technique would be to set the two children down at opposite sides of a dining room or kitchen table, on different pieces of living room or family room furniture, making sure that children can face each other.

Ask each child what the other child did to make them angry enough to begin a verbal or physical fight. Let each child respond while having the other child wait their turn to interject their own version of events. This lets the children know that the parent or other caregiver is not going to take sides and that they are not going to presume that one is right over the other without hearing the children out. Let each child respond back and forth so that a complete picture of the events leading up to the fight emerges. Once the cause of the altercation is exposed, a parent or other caregiver can begin to help the children begin to resolve the issue and hopefully bring the disagreement to a logical and peaceful end. Of course this does not preclude some kind of punishment for both children, as they need to learn how resolve their conflicts and not repeat the fighting.

If the fight was over a toy, book, DVD or television show a parent or other caregiver could choose to resolve the issue by telling the children that one can choose a DVD or show to put on and that after that show or movie is finished, the other child will be allowed to select the next show or DVD. This teaches children that both can have what they want by taking turns and thus avoid a fight that will only get them both into trouble. If the disagreement was over a difference of opinion the adult should point out that people do not always feel the same about an event or action and then give an example of an opinion, feeling, or philosophy that they and a spouse, co-worker, other family members, neighbor, etc. feel differently about and how having a difference of opinion is okay and very common.

If the fight began over something that was said by one child, whether that was an insult, a name, a curse word, with the second

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