by Nicole Long

Created on: February 22, 2009

The familiar sound of a slamming bedroom door quickly followed by an "I hate you!". This is how arguments almost always ended when my two sisters and I were younger. Usually, proceeding this explosion, it started with a disagreement that was followed by multiple phone calls to Mom at work. And then the levy would break and the anger would be released. The doors in our childhood house, where my Mom still lives, all have holes in the back where they were kicked or punched in. Somehow it wasn't enough to just slam the door and yell obscenities.

Today as adults, anger still creeps into our lives. We've all had our fair share of disagreements and anger has definitely blown apart our relationships at times. Last year I got married, and while my dream was for it to be a great day for everyone involved I quickly realized that it wasn't possible. My youngest sister had decided to take a fall and become injured after drinking too much and arguing with her boyfriend. While not assigning blame, I certainly wanted him to stay away during the wedding, as my Dad was certainly not happy with him nor the situation. And it was MY day! This led to a discussion between myself and my sister that ended in me saying " Fine, he can come, but keep him away from Dad." Don't take me wrong, it was a very blessed day for myself and my husband and in the end that is all that really matters. My sisters can have their own day which I will try very hard not to interfere with, though I can't say that I won't laugh if some unforeseen event turns their day into a bit more than planned. From what my friends tell me, I'm certainly not alone in wedding day fiascoes.

Family members should deal with issues before it's too late. If your angry with somebody you should be as honest as possible without be nasty or degrading. Express your point of view but only after you have thought it through. In the heat of an argument you say things that aren't meant (or are and shouldn't be expressed) to be said. Deal with a family disagreement as you would with a work grievance. Think about what it is that is really bothering you. Examine it and decide if it's something you can live with or not. If not, decide how to approach the topic and be prepared to defend your viewpoint with examples. If your family member can't allow you the space you need to distance yourself from the argument then they have some growing to do. You need to explain to them that it is very important to the future of your relationship that you have some time to understand what is going on so that you respond appropriately and not irrationally. Feel free to let them express their viewpoints at the time but don't respond negatively, even if provoked.

I guess my point is that we are too old to be punching and kicking doors in, which may or may not be a good thing. We have no real way to release our anger with our family so we result to brutal verbal attacks and avoidance. We need to understand that as a family we are all very different people that look to each other for acceptance. Differences should be cherished and honored. We all have a responsibility in the way we treat each other. The way you respect your family and deal with anger should be no different then how you respect your friends and deal with differences.

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