by Arthur Gibson

Created on: February 21, 2009

There's one phrase no father wants to hear his teenage daughter say, "Daddy, I'm pregnant". For at least a few moments the world seems to stand still. Your breath is taken away and your mind freezes up. You're looking at your baby and wondering how this could possibly have happened. Slowly the world comes back into focus and the new reality sets in. You've got maybe 60 seconds to think before you say anything, and what you say can have a tremendous effect on the next few days, months, and years.

If you're like most loving fathers, your first thoughts probably have something to do with taking some type of action against the young man who did this to your baby. Then you're asking yourself where did you go wrong in raising your child. How could your daughter do this to you? While these thoughts are all natural, they are all wrong. Your immediate concern should be your child, the decisions your family is going to have to make in the next few weeks and months. Decisions that are not only going to affect your daughter, they are also going to affect the relationship you have with your daughter. As quickly as possible you've got to get over the anger and think about your child. How are you and your wife going to help your daughter reach the decision that is best for her and the child she's carrying? How are you going to keep showing her that, even though she's made a mistake, you still love and support her?

Your actions and your words are going to have a major impact on the situation and your relationship. You cannot dwell on what she has done to you and your family. If you do, you're going to drive her away and cheapen and quite possibly destroy any self esteem she might have. Your focus has to be on her. And she's depending on you, not only for help, but for your continued love. Get control of yourself as quickly as you can, and then sit down with your wife and daughter for the first of what will probably be many discussions. If you have other children, make sure they are doing something, and at least initially not involved in the discussions.

Don't harp on the mistake your daughter has made, she knows what she's done. And while you probably want to know why she let herself get in this situation, now is not the time to dwell on the reasons. There may never, and probably won't, be an appropriate time to try to find that answer. How old is your daughter? What are your family's beliefs on abortion? If she carries the baby to term, is she going to put it up for adoption?

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