by Lorelei Cohen

Created on: February 21, 2009

He is the type of person who needs a lot of social interaction in his life to feel complete. He was a very lonely man being single and he was looking for a woman to fill the empty emotional space in his life. I have virtually the opposite type of personality, I am a loner, and I was completely happy being this way. Well he just sort of stumbled into my world one day and stayed. When he asked me to move in with him, I explained to him that I would probably be more happy as a hermit, and that I was afraid that he might drive me a little crazy. I wasn't being rude. I was just stating a small issue that might become a major one if we were to take our relationship up to the next level. I like being alone.

I have always had this type of personality. Perhaps I was autistic, perhaps I was just shy, but back when I was a kid they didn't analyze your personality like they do today. You just were who you were. I came from a large family but I usually played alone. Unbearably shy, I usually hid from company, or avoided them if I could. My older sister usually talked for me if I couldn't. It wasn't till I was much older, actually an adult before I came out of my shell, and I still like being alone.

In one way this makes relationships with other individuals very easy. I never really have to have a lot of people in my life in order for me to be content with my life. I have a strong imagination, a powerful intuition, and strong emotions. When I think of someone that I love or care about, I am surrounded by a warm glow, and I feel that they are right there with me. I tell my daughters that I never really miss them because they are always in my heart. Other individuals might feel the physical distance of separation more than I do, because to me it just does not exist. People that I truly care about are always with me and I rarely feel lonely when I am alone. I am just very content to exist in my own little world.

If I have a day where I crave companionship, then I'll phone a friend to have coffee with, pick up the grandkids, or go out people watching in a crowd. This brief social interaction is usually enough to satisfy my emotional needs, and I can then go back into my usual style of living. The people who are very close to me are always in my heart, and in my mind, and this seems to be enough to satisfy my emotional needs the majority of the time. But then along came the man.

My personality does of course make close relationships difficult at times. But he needed me, and for my own reasons I needed him, and so we became a couple. Will it work? Who knows? His way of explaining our relationship is to say, "I think that you understand me", it also explains how I feel in our relationship, because he also understands me. So here I sit on the computer, I can here him talking to the television in the other room, and it makes me smile. We are together but we are also alone.

Perhaps opposites do attract and compliment each other? Or perhaps he and I are just old school, and live under the belief that you just are who you are, and so we respect each other solely for that reason.

I keep trying to figure out hobbies, and other social situations for him to participate in so I can be alone, and so he won't feel alone. If he bugs me too much then I just get up and go spend some time somewhere out in a crowd where I can be alone within myself.

I am not sure if recognizing your distinct attachment style will help couples succeed within their relationships, but we have looked very closely into ours, and it seems to be working for us.

Learn more about this author, Lorelei Cohen.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.