by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: February 21, 2009   Last Updated: February 22, 2009

I have had a history of dating older men, never actually meaning to but somehow always feeling a greater attraction to them. I've heard all the psychoanalysis regarding this penchant toward those who are my seniors. I've heard the "looking for a father figure" theory, as well as the less professional diagnosis of "gold digger", which is most definitely untrue in my case. I've dated the well-off and the not so well-off. There are three primary things women like me are looking for when we find ourselves drawn instinctively to these older men.

The first thing that attracts me is the fact that they are more settled in their lives and in themselves. They are secure in their own skin, done for the most part with all the showing off and puffing up that the younger man often displays as they are out looking for a woman to get acquainted with. The older man is calm and collected, allowing me to get to know him without wondering how much is a show he's putting on to impress me. There is a basic sense of maturity in most of them that is immediately recognizable.

This settled life of the older man extends well beyond his personality, into his lifestyle. His career is typically chosen and well on its way. He is not striving to get a promotion, he is not finishing college and he is not still figuring out where he wants to go in life. There will be a much smaller chance of getting a surprise, such as the Wall Street trader who, upon turning thirty, decides his life is meaningless and he wants to go to the jungles of Africa to live out dreams. The older man knows what he wants and is usually fairly set in his ways.

While the younger man may still be in the "oat sowing" phase of his life, always seeking the next big party, the older man has a been there, done that attitude towards this rambunctiousness and is happy to be that way. He doesn't want to be out into the wee hours of the morning and neither do I, so it is a much better fit for me.

The second thing that draws me to the more mature gentleman is the area of family. I have three daughters who are almost grown and have no need to have more children, even though I am certainly still of child-bearing age. Many younger men have not had any children yet, or have some that they haven't had the opportunity to raise themselves, so they want to expand their family further. The older man is almost always looking forward to retiring with a wife alone and having his golden years to look forward to.

The last thing may lead to the "gold digger" conclusion, but it really is not that at all. The older man has financial security in most cases. I am not talking about extreme wealth here, although I am not averse to that in the least. I am speaking of things such as learning to live within their means, home ownership and a savings account. This is not too much to ask for in someone you are considering entering a relationship with. Knowing that most divorces can cite money problems as the root of the marital problems, it is quite wise to avoid those who have them.

The older man has a lot to offer that the younger man hasn't had time to acquire yet, in both lifestyle and personality. Many women find the security and stability to be a very positive thing and for those women, the scales often tip to the side of the older man. The young man may have a lot of things, but the older man has these same things, but fully developed and ready to work with.

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