by Linda Saye

Created on: February 20, 2009

THAT'S IT! I've had it with real Christmas trees and the stringing of the lights. Every year my husband insists that we buy a real tree because he likes the way they smell. Every year we buy a huge nine foot tree because we have really, really high ceilings and anything smaller looks stupid in the corner of our living room. Every year my husband drags the tree through the kitchen, dining room, and into the living room, leaving a trail of pine needles. Every year he puts the tree in the stand, swivels it around to get the best view, and inevitably spills water all over the floor while swiveling.

At this point, every year, he seems to go missing in action. He conveniently has other things to do. He avoids the living room like the plague. And, at this point every year, I start reluctantly dragging all the Christmas lights and ornaments up from the basement, cursing under my breath the entire time. Some years I wait until the next day, or even the day after that, to start decorating the tree just to see if my husband might pitch in. NO SUCH LUCK. So, every year I string at least ten strands of Christmas lights on the tree, because I like a lot of lights, and have heard that one must string at least one hundred lights for every foot of tree in order to properly light said tree. Naturally, every year I end up having to run out and buy a couple of new strands, since I have absolutely no patience for finding the single bulb on a strand that's keeping the second half of that strand from lighting up.

As a result, every year I dream of bringing out a beautifully pre-lit artificial tree, and popping it open like an umbrella; only to be ornament-ready! After all, I had an artificial tree while growing up in Florida, and I never felt deprived. Would it really dampen our Christmas spirit to have an artificial pre-lit tree amongst us? Actually, I argue that, in the absence of having to string all of those Christmas tree lights, by myself no less, that it would do the opposite. It would actually make me more inclined to feel good will, rather than ill will towards my husband. It would start off the Christmas season on a much better note, and rid our house of the "Christmas light resentment" that tends to lurk in the corners of the house until around March. And, after all of these years, I think he may finally be getting it! He just handed me a 40% off "After Christmas Sale" coupon for Christmas trees, and, with a big hug, pushed me out the door because in the fine print on the coupon it says "While quantities last".

Learn more about this author, Linda Saye.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.