by Housemom

Created on: February 20, 2009

How do I know that God exists? Well that is a good question. We all have our doubts and worries about God. I know that God exists because of the way my life has turned around. I was the type of person who didn't believe in something unless I could see it for my own eyes. I never went to church and never looked at a bible. I was on the wrong path. One event in my life changed my whole view on life and God.

The event that changed my life and outlook was when I went to the doctor to get checked out. I was not feeling good at all. I started to lose weight, my hair, and energy. I was in pain as well. After the doctor examined me and took several tests, the results to my illness came in. I was alone and a little worried. I didn't know what was wrong with me and I sure didn't expect the worse. The doctor came in and handed me a paper. It was a referral to another specialist. He sat down and looked at me with compassionate and sorrowful eyes. As he explained to me that I had Ovarian Cancer, I could tell that it bothered him. I was young and had a lot to look forward to. He then told me to go see the specialist and let keep him up to date. I left his office with tears in my eyes. I was so confused, scared, nervous, and I felt guilty. I was confused because I didn't understand how a young woman like myself could have Cancer. I was scared because I didn't want to die like other members in my family had. I was nervous to tell anyone about my Cancer. What if they became upset? That's all I could think of. Finally I felt guilty because I knew that I have not had enough time with my children. I was afraid that I was going to leave them without a mother and they would hate me for that.

I went to see the specialist. After months of testing and seeing him, He came to the conclusion that I was to start Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments. After months of the treatments, I was retested to see if the cancer spread at all. I ended up finding out that it had spread and I was told that I had only a few years left to live. I was lost and scared to death. As I walked down the street to get home I came to a church. It was a baptist church. I decided to go in and ask God why he had done this to my children and I. I entered the church and sat down. I closed my eyes, began to cry, and then started yelling at God. A pastor came up to me and sat down next to me. "What's wrong?" he asked me. I turned to him with tears in my eyes and explained what has happened in the last year. He talked to me for a couple of hours and I realized that I was wrong with the way that I had been thinking. I left the church with a new feeling and hope. I never felt that way before in my life.

I ended up going to church every Sunday and everyday that I went I felt better about my life and my illness. Now it has been 2 years and I'm still alive. I have quit the Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments. I have my hair back and I'm feeling a lot better. I was recently retested and I found out that my cancer is now Malignant. I believe that welcoming and loving God in my life has helped me heal and become happy with myself and others. I know that God had a hand in it and no one can tell me any different. God heard my prayers and answered them. Even though we believe that God is not always there, he is. Sometimes prayers that are answered is a miracle and then when they are not, maybe they shouldn't be. My life is based around my children, God, family, and friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you God.

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