Sources of anxiety
Adults and children are often stressed by similar situations: difficulties accomplishing a task, losing something precious... Nevertheless, children can also be affected by circumstances and issues that don't disturb us to a great extent. Meditating, calling a friend, listening to music are a few examples of techniques we have learned to use, over the years, to alleviate our stress when needed.
Anxiety is caused by emotional or physical stress. Death of a loved one, separation from a family member, bullying... are sources of emotional stress while pain, illness, a noisy location... are sources of physical stress.
How does an anxious child behave?
When a child wakes up to go to school, every morning, chances are he's not feeling well. As the morning progresses, his anxiety may increase substantially as well as his physical symptoms. He may complain of tummy aches, headaches or nausea and as parents get closer to school or daycare, they may notice their child trembling.
When it's time to leave anxious children at school or daycare, parents can feel guilty when an adult needs to restrain the howling child so they can leave.
How can I help my child?
Patience is a virtue when your child suffers from anxiety. The situation may feel hopeless but there are tools parents can teach children to help them cope with anxiety. It's also important to address the source of a child's stress with the help of a cognitive behavioural child psychologist.
The Child and Youth Health Network for Eastern Ontario created a program, Mind Masters, to teach children techniques to manage their stress and frustration.
You can help your child build his own toolbox by teaching him some of the activities listed below.
Spaghetti toes: Explain the concept of stress to your child with cooked and uncooked spaghetti. Let him feel the difference between the two with his hands. When we're under a lot of stress, our bodies become rigid and tense somewhat similar to uncooked spaghetti. When we are relaxed, our bodies become limp resembling cooked spaghetti.
Spaghetti toes is a game to help your child relax his body. Tell him to wiggle or move different body parts, one at a time: toes, feet, legs, bum, fingers, arms, neck, eyebrows... Take it up a notch, and play the game using Simon says. It's sure to make him laugh.
Jelly belly: When we're anxious, breathing slowly and profoundly from the abdomen will ease the tension from our body and return our heart rate to normal. Jelly belly is a simple breathing exercise that your child can use anywhere: at home, in the car, at school, in the hospital...
Relaxation in a special place: Close your eyes and let your imagination roam free. See yourself in an area that makes you feel wonderful and serene. Help your child find this special place and have him draw it. It could be at the cottage, playing in the water... Remind him to keep his eyes opened for any place that makes him feel good and happy. Such a location can be used next time for his special place.
Treasure hunting for highlights: Help your child find those happy moments or smiles in his day. Did you have fun playing with a friend? Did you like your swimming lesson? Did you like your breakfast? Did you play with your dog?
Each smile or happy moment can be counted and added to an imaginary treasure box. It's a nice way to remind children that one gloomy incident doesn't mean they had a bad day.
Changing channels: If you're in a bad mood and it makes you feel crappy, you have the power to change your frame of mind. Imagine you're holding a remote control in your hand; with a click of a button, you can alter your mood just as you would change channels if you were watching TV.
Instead of remaining sad, angry, irritated... why not alter your mood to make you feel happy, silly, relaxed...
It's important for your child to practice these activities at home on a regular basis. The more he practices, the better he'll be at using it when he'll need it. Be patient and understanding, it will take time for your child to effectively use his toolbox to manage his anxiety.
For more information and audio files of all the activities, please visit Mind Masters at http://www.child-youth-health.net/site/child-youth-h ealth/Mind_Masters_p280.html.