by Araminta Matthews

Created on: January 25, 2007   Last Updated: September 06, 2011

We've all been there. Eyes stuck sickly together, velcro mouth, a head that feels like it is being pelted by rocks as it bobs along a choppy ocean while the stomach churns its own unique form of butter. Maybe you chugged one two many Car Bombs, maybe it was a tequila salt lick, or maybe you just forgot to eat anything before you had those two beers at the party. It doesn't matter how you got here: you're in hangover hell.

Now, I've been in college and I've been in just plain recreational drinking land, and, over the years, I've come to know all to well the best, full-proof hangover cures. Remember, I'm not a doctor. The information provided below is strictly based on my own personal experience. If you feel you are ill and need help, you should always talk to your personal physician first and follow her recommendations. And, in my infinite do-goodiness, I share them with you now: when you need it most.

First, VITAMIN B COMPLEX. Now, when we drink, our brain sends a signal to our kidneys to release any fluids held inside of them. This is why we urinate so frequently when drinking alcohol and why, when imbibing the spirits, we so easily succumb to dehydration. For this reason, I don't recommend that you try to take the vitamin the night you are drinking. Here's what I do: I leave a B complex vitamin with two IBUPROFEN beside a glass with just 8 ounces of water, then I go to bed. When I get up for the inevitable potty break, I take my vitamin with my two preventative headache pills and go back to bed. Why only 8 ounces of water? Because the human body absorbs only 8 ounces of water every 15 minutes and, frankly, I don't want to get up to pee again.

The above plan is usually fool-proof, and I usually wake the next morning like a little ball of sunshine with enough optimism to out-pep SpongeBob Squarepants. BUT, sometimes this isn't enough. So here's the second round: McDONALD'S or BURGER KING for breakfast. Even if you sleep in, go get yourself a nice, fatty cheeseburger and fries (or sausage, egg and cheese if you somehow managed to get up early) and suck that puppy down. I'm not exactly sure why fatty foods fix a hangover so efficiently, but trust me when I say it works. And if you don't trust me, just ask a fry cook on a Sunday morning. He'll tell you.

Third, V8 JUICE. Assuming you didn't get blitzed on bloody mary's, you should be able to stomach the stuff. I recommend this because it replenishes valuable nutrients that your body discharged the night before.

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