It is amazing the things one can learn from a tragedy! Our little two-year old corgi mix Houdini (Dini) died in an awful and unpredictable way (she was trying to get out of her crate at the boarding facility, where she and Maggie were staying while Gerry and I were traveling to Dallas, caught her collar and suffocated), but in doing so she taught me a valuable lesson - what happened was terrible enough, and there was absolutely no need to make it worse by blaming ourselves for what we couldn't have foreseen or controlled.
Did we grieve for our little girl? Absolutely! I called Dini's foster mom Joan as soon as we hung up with the vet and we cried on the phone for half an hour. Were we tempted to drop everything and rush home on the first plane? Yes! But that wouldn't have brought her back and we had commitments to fulfill in Dallas, people who were counting on us to be there, and a lot of information Gerry and I needed to develop Gerry's business, which is a vital factor in the general well-being of our household (including the well-being of our remaining pets).
Were we tempted to lock ourselves in our hotel room and drown in grief until we absolutely had to be somewhere the next morning? You bet! But how would that have helped anyone? Thursday evening, after we spoke with the vet and with Joan, we pulled ourselves together and called a bunch of our friends who were also in Dallas for NAA National Convention (Gerry's organization's most crucial annual event) to find out if anyone was getting together to go to dinner. We got together with a group of other folks and went out for some killer barbeque ribs and a few drinks. Were we outrageously sociable and humorous? Probably not. But being around other people who were was the right choice.
We went to all the meetings and breakout sessions with our brains wide open to absorb all the great information provided by the experts, took a lot of notes, interacted with a lot of really good people. On Saturday morning someone stole Gerry's bag where his microcassettes and recorder were. Yes, he was upset and tempted to sue the hotel. Then we sucked it up and made sure we signed up to receive the DVD's of the convention when they come out at the end of March.
And yes, I suppose we could have skipped the Saturday night gala where all of the top NAA people were recognized. Guess what? It would have been extremely selfish and rude. ...Rude with respect to people who organized the event for everyone, ourselves included, selfish because we wouldn't have been there to cheer and applaud our friends' achievements. Not to mention it wouldn't have been fair to ourselves. After everything we have been through on this trip and before returning home and dealing with the emtiness under the furniture and no more stolen socks, we deserved a fun evening. So, we mingled and hit the dance floor and had a good time with everyone else.
And when we did come home... Well, we were understandably sad and Maggie was confused - she kept looking for her buddy and couldn't find her. After one day of that (Monday), I came to an executive decision: we needed another dog. Some people would say I betrayed Dini's memory. I say, we needed something to rescue us from moping. We needed the pitter-patter of little feet, and a little nose sticking out from under the furniture and someone to chase Maggie's tale. Gerry's birthday was coming up on Wednesday, so on Tuesday night I filled out an application with Richardson Rescue in York, SC and on Wednesday (while Gerry was attending meetings in Arden, NC) - concluded the fastest adoption in the history of Richardson Rescue. I brought home Hank - an 8-week old Bernese mountain dog puppy - and I am not regretting it. Seeing the look on my husband's face when he got home and Hank flew into his arms was worth every bit of agonizing I did over this decision.
Folks, it's one thing to curb all manner of entertainment when there is something difficult going on in your life - an illness or death of a loved one, a divorce, a loss of job. It's another thing entirely to shut yourself away from the world and stay hell-bent on being miserable. It is not going to help either you or those you are trying to help. Go have that cup of coffee, buy that box of chocolates, get that book if that's what you need right now. Learn from jazz funerals and from the main character in the move It's My Party. Don't let death, illness or any other misfortune in your life to get upper hand over you. Show them the finger and have a glass of wine instead.