by Pennee Struckman

Created on: February 20, 2009

Grandparents are an important part of childhood. Parents have to concern themselves not only with the child's discipline and well being, they have to work to support the family. There are so many demands on today's young families; parents appreciate the emotional support grandparents can give.

But the kids really like it too. Thinking as a small child, grandparents are bigger than Mom and Dad. Knowing this, grandparents can offer the child a safe place for their secrets. Grandparents can add to the child's overall security by reinforcing the parents. At the same time, grandparents can be "on the child's side", offering insight into the parents reasoning, and assuring the child he or she is always loved.

These are my Grandma Rules:

1. What happens at Grandmas stays at Grandmas

Children are uncertain about many things. They talk to their friends about subjects that never reach the parent's ear. Grandparents can encourage children to talk to them, and assure the child that the secret is safe. I created an environment where my grandkids could tell me anything, and I would never tell another person. Only once did something arise that needed to be brought to the parents. I explained to my granddaughter that she needed to tell her Dad. The next time I saw her, I asked if she had told her parents. A few days after that, I called and encouraged her to talk with her dad. I told her I would stay on the phone, and if she needed me, I would be there. I held on while she spoke with the Dad. She came to the phone and said she would call me back; it was going to be okay.

You are not the same person who raised your child.

Bill Cosby once observed his parents interacting with his children. He told his wife "These are not the same people who raised me." Grandparents are parental backup. Whether you agree with your child or not, the kids should never know. As grandparents, unless the grandchild is in danger, parental rules should be observed. Until the parents leave, then the kids can live on Grandma time.

Unconditional love is the privilege of Grandparents.

Parents have to set limits, enforce homework, and other consequences they hopefully learned as they were growing up. Grandparents have the privilege of loving the child, and playing with them. While there are rules at Grandma's house, Grandparents offer a relaxing, safe place for the children to learn. I love my grandchildren and I have time to do things with them that I never had when my daughter was growing up. That is the benefit of parenting.

Grandparents don't have to be the "bad guy" anymore. I can talk with the children about how they feel about Mom and Dad's rules. I can offer insight from when I was the parent. This helps the child to see the event from another angle. It helps them to understand that parenting is a part of growing up, both for the child and the parent.

Grandparents can help the children to love their parents more

Because children are small, and have no real understanding of adulthood, they cannot imagine that their parents were ever children. Sharing positive stories about the childhood of their parents encourages understanding for the children, that their parents will be able to help them with their problems. They were once kids themselves.

Grandparents can ensure the well being of the grandchildren by:

Loving them
Never criticize their parents in front of them
Refrain from the horror stories of the parents' childhood
Sharing information about the grandparents' childhood.

And, most important, enjoying the relaxed second round of small children who thinks you are wonderful.

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