by Shelley Peterson

Created on: February 20, 2009

I'd have to say yes and no to that question. I think it largely depends on how you interpret the question. Does the question refer to how well we've prepared our children to interact with society while they were growing up or does it refer to actual responsibility for them once they have moved out and are on their own?

I'm going to take the view that once a child has reached the age of maturity and has obtained his/her own place of residence the parent is no longer responsible for the actions of the adult child. By this time the child should have learned acceptable societal behaviours such as taking responsibility for one's own actions.

There comes a time when every parent has to cut the apron strings, so to speak, and allow their young adults to spread their wings and fly solo. They may fall sometimes but you have to trust that you've taught them the skills they will need to pick themselves back up and try again. This doesn't mean you can't give them advice when needed but ultimately what they choose to do in any given situation is entirely up to them. They are the ones who have to accept and deal with the consequences of their decisions and actions. Just as we all do.

I believe that if the parent has instilled good values in their children while growing up, along with good social and reasoning skills and respect for others, then they are well on their way to leading a good and responsible adulthood.

I do believe that while children are growing up it is the parent's obligation to teach the child what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, also that there are consequences for their actions and that they alone are responsible for those actions. The parent needs to teach the child how to weigh the pros and cons of their decisions effectively so they can make the best choice possible in any situation they may find themselves in.

By the time they're considered adults by society's standards you can only hope that they've absorbed the lessons, skills and values that you've tried to instill in them while they were growing up and are well on their way to being a contributing and responsible member of society.

As my children were growing up I always tried to teach them that in any situation they might find themselves there is always a choice. They might not like the choices set before them at that point in time but they still have a choice and choosing not to choose is still a choice. You still have to take responsibility for the consequences of that choice. I've tried to teach them how to weigh the pros and cons of their decisions so that they can choose an action that is the most beneficial to them and those around them. I've also taught them that doing the right thing can also be the hardest thing to do but in the end is worth doing. I can only hope that some of what I've tried to teach them has sunk in and prepared them for the challenges to come. If they do get into trouble I can help them and support them but I can no longer make their decisions for them. Ultimately, whatever course of action they choose to take is solely their decision and out of my hands. Therefore, I believe, I am no longer responsible for their actions. Besides, isn't that basically what being grown up means, to take responsibility for one's own choices and actions? I do believe so.

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