A wise man once told me there are two things one never brings up during polite dinner conversation: politics and religion. As a liberal living in a very conservative state, I often have to bite my tongue to keep from arguing in public, a futile act I try to avoid because at least one party inevitably ends up offended. At times of weakness, I can easily be baited into a political discussion and, with the right antagonist, even come away having enjoyed myself. Religion, on the other hand, leads to conversations rich with misery, a mine field waiting for a misstep.
Being good and being religious do not necessarily go hand in hand as many people believe. People can be good without being religious, and, conversely, people can be religious without being good. Some of the vilest events in history have been committed by religious people (See: the majority of wars throughout time, The Inquisition, The Crusades, The Holocaust, Priests and child molestation, 9/11, et al.)
Although I'm not ashamed of my views on religion, I do have the tendency to keep them to myself because I know how people will react. Several times I've had people say to me, "But you seem so nice!" when I tell them I'm agnostic. My response is always, "What's that supposed to mean?" It implies that one cannot be nice without also being religious. It is also vaguely insulting when people end these reluctant discussions by letting me know they'll be praying for me. They wouldn't like it if I responded, "Thanks, and I'll be hoping you see the error of your ways, as well!" So instead of being snide, I choose to be kind and keep the last jab to myself.
For one thing, agnostic is not atheist, although it's often very difficult for people to understand the difference. The Greek word for "not knowing," agnostic means I don't believe there is proof that God exists, but that I also don't believe there is proof that God does not exist. Confused? Metaphysically speaking, one could say I'm sitting on the fence, although that's not how it feels to me.
I'm a good person because I treat others the way I would want to be treated, purely for the reason that I want to and not because a divine book or holy man reminds me I should so I can get into heaven. I believe the Bible was never meant to be taken literally and was always intended as a sort of moral guidebook to remind people, among other things, "Hey, don't kill or lie or steal." Because when all is said and done, the world would be a better place if everyone followed those rules. It just doesn't mean I have to worship somebody to remember that.
People have asked me what the harm would be in just pretending to be religious. I believe pretending is lying, and in turn I have paid a price for my principles: most of my family, especially my evangelical father, believes I'm tragically misguided and that my soul is in peril; the only reason my identical twin sister won't name me as her child's "godmother" is because I don't go to church; when I have my own children, I know I'm going to break the heart of my husband's sweet, Catholic grandmother when I refuse to have them christened.
Having been raised in a strict Southern Baptist family, I understand why they're concerned for me: they think I'm going to Hell. The thing is - I don't believe in heaven or hell. I think anyone who claims emphatically that they know what awaits us in the afterlife is merely fooling themselves. The idea of heaven has brought me comfort when loved ones have died because it is nice to think that there is something besides this earthly life. Absent proof and self-delusion, the only thing I can be sure of is that I know I'll be surprised! In the meantime, the most any of us can ask is to be true to ourselves, be kind, and love one another. Amen.