by Sadie Davis

Created on: February 19, 2009

Codependents are the ultimate caretakers. They have total and complete sympathy and empathy for everyone but themselves. They are self-appointed guardian angels. They think only of others' wellbeing to the point it becomes a lifestyle or even an obsession. They only feel pleased after they've pleased everyone else. A codependent doesn't allow anyone to think or do for themselves. They take care of the person's problem instantly, without thinking. They are the ultimate protectors of the people they care for. They shield people from any and all pain or problems they may face if the codependent doesn't intervene.

Codependency is an extremely physically and mentally exhausting lifestyle. The codependent will run themselves ragged trying to do for everyone else while their own needs go unmet. Many times, a codependent will become involved with a sociopath. The sociopath will demand more and more from them. Many codependents will lose sleep, money, time, etc. because they're running here and there trying to please their partner.

A codependent thinks that if they don't satisfy their partners 200% then they are not loveable. They blame themselves for everything. They think "Maybe I should be doing more" or "If I'd just given more time or money, things would be different". Not true. In order to change, the codependent needs to start thinking of themselves and meeting their own wants and needs.

If a codependent is in a long-term relationship with someone who plays on their sympathy and empathy, it's not uncommon for them to start feeling victimized by their partner. Once they start to feel victimized, the next step is to hate the partner, even sometimes wish them dead so that they can finally feel free. The problem is that the codependent brought this on themselves. They never set limits to what they'll do and give to their partner. The more they gave, the more the partner expected until it got completely out of control. At this point, the codependent is simply a shadow of the partner. They lose their identity and become enraged by it. They may start to lash out at the partner or even become abusive toward the very person they took care of and protected for all this time.

Codependency causes a lot of anxiety, depression and bad feelings toward the person or people they were taking care of. Thankfully, today codependency is widely recognized and there are many support groups and therapists who treat this problem.

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