by Ian Black

Created on: February 19, 2009

My Dearest Children,

How much I would like to thank you, for everything! You have shown me a new path to joy and happiness...a happiness I never thought remotely possible. When I first saw you enter this world, I thought: "Wow, these are my own creations". I know I have put you through a terrible time these past few months, but I would like to take the time to say how incredibly sorry I am. I know I don't expect your forgiveness; for that you can decide in due course, whether or not I am eligible to be forgiven.

I do not have any excuse. There can be no excuses. Excuses are made because the people have done terrible, awful things, like me, are terribly afraid of doing the right thing. It may not make any logical sense to you now, but...in time, it will.

I cannot imagine how you must be faring these days. I hope everything is well. Oh, my children, how much I do miss the both of you. I miss coming home to seeing you arguing and debating about the silliest of things in the kitchen; who get's to watch whatever programme on the television, or who get's to eat the last apple out the fruit bowl. I know I have a great many things to make up for, and I do hope, through time...you will be able to see that I am a completely different person. I have changed, really. I promise you that there won't be any more drinking, no fighting, shouting or swearing. Nothing like that. EVER! You have my sworn promise.

It is almost time for me to go to sleep. The lovely guards give us a firm schedule that we have to follow daily. When I was younger, helpless, and lost, I had nothing; not even any ambitions in life. Now I have something I am more than willing to give another shot: to be a better parent. All I ask, is that you will help me. You don't have to tell me you love me, or forgive me; for I do not expect you to forgive me for some time. That I understand and accept. But, as a parent...I know I need to make you both very happy. I know, when I get out of here - that I'll need to make a much better attempt at parenting than before. I truly, honestly, have changed!

One day I will tell you everything, from the beginning to the end. You deserve to know the truth, and nothing but! From now on, I swear to both of you, there'll be no lying; no betrayal's. A good, honest, loving relationship in which the whole family can come together. That's how it always should have been, but I wasn't ready for such a commitment. Already I am making excuses! I should never have packed up my bags and left you two alone. For that, I am truly, deeply, terribly sorry. You deserve better, and better you will have.

I will love you both always, Jodie and Crystal. Oh, how I terribly miss your sweet laughter; the little glint in your eyes. I hope we can someday - soon - be able to work together as a family. I have to go now...and happy birthday Jodie. And take care of her, Crystal. I love you both!

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