by Joshua Brandenstein

Created on: February 19, 2009

Burning rubber singes the nostrils as the screaming metal deathtrap rockets down the main street. Going 60 miles per hour down a 45 mile per hour road, nothing can touch you. That is until the madness is pierced by the shrill wail of a siren, proceeded with the flashing of lights. You thought for sure there wouldn't be a cop down here, as you've gone down this road numerous times and you've seen others fly past you as if you were sitting still many times before that, and the cops couldn't be found in a five-mile radius. Yet, here you are, first risk on this road ever (a foolish one, but hey, you only go through life once), and the policeman just so happens to be there. So, you slow down and pull over.

"Sir, are you aware of how fast you were going?" The officer asks.
"Why, yes I was, if I weren't we would have a serious problem," you reply.
"Don't get smart with me, I'm going to need your license and registration," he says.

So you reach into your glove box and pull out the information. Handing it to the officer, you ask, "So how much is this ticket?"
"Depends" he remarks, as he goes to his car to check the information you handed him. He walks back to your car, to find a goofy smile on your face.
"Well, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car and have you do a few exercises to see if you are under the influence." he responds. (Mind you this is a creative and unrealistic piece, so you're just going to have to go with the craziness)

So you step out of the car, and as you do, you pop a CD into the stereo. Now, recall that you are on the main road, and though it's not exactly rush hour, there are still plenty of passing cars. The song "We Like to Party" by the Venga Boys begins to play. Reminiscent of the Six Flags commercial you proceed to dance as the "ba bum ba bum bum bum ba ba" plays behind you. The police officer isn't exactly as amused as you are. In fact, he now has more reason to believe you are on the bottle.

"Sir, I would like to ask for your cooperation. We can get this all over with if you just cooperate." he says, managing to keep his cool under the current situation.
"Alright, alright," you reply "You know, this is the first time I've ever been pulled over, can you believe that?"
"It's difficult," he replies, "Alright, I'm going to need you to walk heel-toe over this line" He slides his foot making an invisible line.
"Where? I don't see it" you reply.
"Just imagine it's there" he says.
"Can I have a unicorn watching me while I do?" you ask.
"A what?" He asks, thouroughly befuddled now.
"A unicorn." you respond, "If I'm imagining the line, I want to imagine a unicorn watching me and cheering me on while I walk it."
"Whatever works for you," the policeman says.

After running all the tests, the officer finds that you are indeed sober, but he thinks you're still crazy. He writes you up a ticket, and your court date, and gets back in his car. You get back in your car and start it back up. You let him drive out first and all of a sudden another car going 60 miles per hour, flies right by him. The police officer initiates his siren and lights yet again. You get back on the road and head toward your destination.

As you drive a short ways, you signal to get in the parking lot of your destination. Curiously enough, the person speeding has been pulled over into that same parking lot (you were close to your destination when you were pulled over). The same officer is there, having a chat with them. You pull up a few parking spots away from them and on your way into the store you hear "ba bum ba bum bum bum ba ba."

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