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I will speak to this with the understanding that the grief is following a death of a loved one. As it stands today. Most of society has experienced the model of the grieving family going to the funeral home within a few hours of a death in order to make arrangements. This is one of the most vulnerable times in our lives and we want to do everything we can for the deceased family member. As a licensed funeral director, the most timely decision I ask of the family to make is the disposition of the body (burial or cremation). With their permission, If the body will be viewed, I am able to embalm and give the family members time to grieve and to begin discussion regarding funeral planning.

Making funeral arrangements generally means making significant financial decisions. I do not believe that those just learning of a death must make the funeral home their first stop as they begin to feel the the deep pain of loss and grief. Grief blunts understanding and muddles one's thought process. This is not the time for 101 questions and nearly as many decisions, many of which involve financial obligation.

Pre-planning funerals has certainly eased the quick and emotional decision making that has been the experience of many individuals and family members. Rational thinking is easily blunted by grief. When viewing funeral merchandise, it is essential to remember that the "best" for the deceased is not always the most expensive. Funeral home selection rooms are often arranged so that family members view higher priced caskets first and move to the lesser priced caskets. These pale in comparison to the high priced merchandise and "we do want Mother to have the best."

Once the information for the death certificate has been obtained and basic plans made for the funeral and disposition of the deceased, it is not essential for the family to immediately sign a purchase agreement. I would certainly encourage those who are doing their best to work with their grief while needing to make huge financial decisions. This is the time to leave the funeral home. Return to your familiar surroundings, family members and others. Invite your pastor to join you in considering all their is to the care of the deceased. Funerals may take place a number of days following death. This permits those who are grieving to care for themselves and others and to take time to consider the financial aspects of funeral services and merchandise.

Funerals are for the living. When we are grieving, it is difficult to remember that there is nothing more that we can "do" for our loved one. Certainly there is no need for anyone be concerned about incurring a huge financial obligation for funeral and burial if they have others when them when making decisions and remember that 'less is more.'

Remember the words attributed to various Native American Peoples: "Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am a diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. When you awake in the morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft star shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die."

Learn more about this author, Claudia Windal.
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