by M. F. Carbo

Created on: February 19, 2009

My parents were married for 25 years before finally divorcing. Their marriage was a loveless one after years of abuse usually instigated by my father. He was a terribly unhappy man who didn't want to be a husband or a father for all that matter. It was obvious to me by the way he treated my mother and both of us kids. He was cruel, his words were like knives, and if that didn't do the trick his hands usually got his point across. He made sure he kept our self-esteem low and we were all kept neatly under his thumb. My parents had separated way back in 1977 for about 3 months. He had came home and told my mother he didn't want to be married anymore then he left. Of course, he had a girlfriend, my father had many girlfriends throughout their marriage before and after this separation. We moved in to my grandparents house during that time and when my father grew tired of his new girlfriend he wanted us back home with him. When my mother refused to go he threatened to burn down my grandparents house and we were made to go back home since my grandparents felt that he might actually do it. As I grew older his distaste for me became evident. I didn't like him and I think he knew it. Living with him was terrible and he put my poor mother through hell for the rest of their marriage. I always tried to take up for her by getting him to come after me if he started pushing her around. He didn't care who he put his hands on as long as it was someone in our house.

The night my father decided to leave was probably the happiest day of my life. Of course, before he left he had to tell me off but I didn't mind since he was the one packing his bags. My father filed for divorce two years after their separation with his new girlfriend in tow. His girlfriend participated quite heavily in my parents divorce to the point her name is on their divorce papers. I'm sure he told her how terrible we were and how much we didn't understand him. I didn't speak to my father for almost 10 years after their divorce . For some reason they think the reason I did not associate with them is because I was hurt because of my parents divorce. That is far from the truth. He was a mean person and I can't easily forget all the times he called me stupid, ugly, whore and bum. I make a point of not surrounding myself with people I don't like and he had earned himself top placement on that list.

My parents marriage should have been over long before it actually did end. My father made our lives miserable and I guess I was lucky that I only had to endure him for only 14 years unlike my mother who had married my father at 16 years old. Sometimes the resentment between a couple grow to a point where it becomes toxic, not only to the man and woman but to their children for years to come.

His failings as a husband and father were not lost on me because my children weren't going to go through what my brother and I went through. I would say this, if it weren't for my father I probably wouldn't be the person I am today.

He's passed away now and I don't know if he was ever proud of me, not that he would have ever said it.

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