by Joan Inong

Created on: February 19, 2009

If your girlfriend is cheating, it's probably best that you find another one. There's no need to jump to conclusions when it comes to an issue like cheating, so if you want to know how to deal with a cheating girlfriend, here's how:

First, you must always find out as much as you can about what she has been doing. Gleaning information directly from her is perhaps the best way to do this. However, whether you realize it or not, she may be lying to you when she does give you information. Never take her words at face value (that part of your relationship, trust, ended when she cheated). Though you may be tempted to give in, don't.

Next, know what you're going to do with that information. How do you feel about her? How does she really feel about you? The most important thing you can do at this point is to separate your wants with your duties. If you have ever read Immanuel Kant, this may sound familiar, though his examples relate to political/moral duties. For instance, you probably want to stay with her. Most men will try and try again. This is a "want." "Wants" are related to your happiness; if you don't get what you want, you won't be happy. At the same time, you'll still feel hurt because of what she's done. On the other hand, what is your duty? What are you supposed to do when someone abuses your trust? Your duty is to not have to deal with that person anymore. With a duty, you don't have to think about what's wrong or what's right for you, because it's already been predetermined. You can say that your relationship is an exception, but that's following your "want" and your decision may hurt you (or others) in the future.

Finally, you have probably heard of the saying, "Forgive and forget." But how does one forgive and forget? Can one just forgive? Can one just forget? There is no forgetting when it comes to emotional hurt. You can push it back far into your consciousness or unconsciousness as much as you like, but dig deep enough and you will still find it there. The truth is, if someone breaks your trust and abuses your love, you have to do something about it, and there's no reason for you to feel like you have to be nice. You can certainly forgive, but do you want to live and be with this person and have to think about how this person really hurt you? These are tough questions to ask yourself, but are certainly worthwhile to consider.

So, think about your relationship long and hard and decide whether this girl is worth your time, efforts, and patience. As the saying goes, "There are plenty more fish in the sea," though it might be hard to let this one fish go.

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