by Docsynic

Created on: February 19, 2009   Last Updated: April 03, 2009

Breaking the cycle of abuse doesn't come as easily as acknowledging our role as it's victim, nor is it any easier than facing the perpetrators of our abuse. The scars of abuse can dig so deep that they can permeate and effectively ruin our relationships, if not, at least, those parts of a relationship that come so easily for some, like trust, intimacy and real love. Granted there are a lucky few that rise above the internal conflicts that childhood abuse creates, and move on to live exceptional lives, most of us have to work for it.

It's rarely enough to say 'I was a victim', because the toxicity is usually still there, like a dormant disease waiting for their moment to resurface. We stuff it down with food, drugs, alcohol, and compulsive behaviors. Our masks manifest themselves in what we call vices. These self-destructive modes of behavior serve as a form of self-medication, ironically. Mine is smoking. I smoke because I have anxiety. I have anxiety because my mother was overly critical and unrelenting. Nothing I did was ever right, fair, or acceptable. Even after surviving a childhood of abuse, many of us will move on to self-abuse, almost without realizing it. We, in essence, become our own victims. But for those of us who have children, things tend to get more complicated. The urge for victim to play perpetrator can become a daily battle. Some parents may even choose not to discipline for fear of losing control. Avoiding discipline of any kind is not effective parenting either. Finding that happy medium of authoritative parenting can be a challenge for anyone, but more so for survivors of abuse.

So what can we do? Accepting that we are a victim is a good first step, but we must remember that pointing a blaming finger can be a cycle of itself, and is counterproductive. That's not to say that we shouldn't make attempts to absolve our feelings towards our perpetrators - finding resolution is good. But one can easily blame their abusive tendencies on the abusive tendencies of their parents or care givers, who like-wise could do the same. Where will the buck stop? Accepting that we are victims but also taking account for our own actions is the only way to break the cycle. It is too easy to use blame as an excuse. We must own our mistakes, seek counseling either with a professional psychologist, church group, or other means of social support in order to heal our wounds. Although we may have been alone in our experiences as children, there are many others who have been in situations very similar to our own. It's us, the victims, that must take steps to prevent abuse from becoming our legacy.

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