by Scott Kolecki

Created on: February 19, 2009   Last Updated: February 22, 2009

In the past twenty years, the way relationships have been founded and developed have changed so vastly that conventional "dating" is almost as foreign today as the internet was twenty years ago. More often than ever, people are finding each other over great distances through the convenience of email and the internet, and can begin to develop relationships even when separated by thousands of miles. This "virtual" dating has reached a point where it is not only socially accepted but commonplace.

Still, has the "virtual relationship" taken precedence over "real life relationships?" Before this question can be answered, it is important to understand what is meant by the words "virtual" and "real life". By definition, the word "virtual" refers to something artificial or simulated. The implication here might suggest that a "virtual" relationship is a relationship wherein one or the other members of the relationship does not actually exist, but are some form of simulation. It could also suggest that the relationship itself is not real, but that the participants are only playing at being in a relationship. However, to suggest that it implies that two people who are separated by great distances and therefore must maintain their relationship by means of a string of emails, communications through chat boards (or by other internet related means) is a virtual relationship is preposterous. This is simply a "long distance relationship".

Consider that for generations, men and women have communicated with one another through letters, postcards, long distance phone calls and other available means of communication. Soldiers that were sent overseas were known to write letters to and receive letters from loved ones on regular intervals. In many instances, these long distance letters were the only way husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends and families could communicate with one another. Before the invention of the cell phone, long distance phone calls were prohibitively expensive for most people and so phone communication was kept to a minimum. While we take long distance for granted communication for granted today, it wasn't so long ago when a long distance phone call would cost great sums of money, restricting the use of such communication to a minimum.

On the other side of the argument, we have the term "real life relationship". By definition, real life implies exactly what the words say - something that is real and happening in someone's life. By our understanding of the words, wouldn't a relationship that is occurring between two people that must resort to communication by means of the internet still be a "real life" relationship? Certainly there are two participants communicating with one another and these participants are using the tools available to them to maximize their contact.

Now, to alleviate the concerns of anyone reading this who might think I am overly dense, I really do understand what the question implies, but I think it needs to be considered that while the dynamics of how people communicate with each other have changed, the fact remains that even a "virtual" relationship is still a "real life" relationship, thereby negating the possibility that a virtual relationship can take precedence over a real life one. It is important to recognize that in todays culture, climate and economy, people are separated by greater distances than ever before. This physical separation makes it difficult for a sustainable relationship to exist in a conventional sense, and so it is probably a blessing that there are so many additional means of communication available today.

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