by Arlene Copeland

Created on: February 19, 2009

The trick to being a good parent and having a good relationship with yourt child, whatever age they happen to be, is striking a balance between being a friend and being the disciplinarian. This becomes even more important when your child nears adulthood.

Being a great father to a teenage son is a case of getting to know your child all over again. He isn't quite the little boy you raised anymore. Teenage boys change, and they do it quickly and often. As soon as they gain freedom and have to deal with all the issues raised by puberty and sexual awareness, the race for discovering their identity begins. This means testing boundaries and experimenting with lifestyle. The most important way to deal with this is to allow your son his freedom, freedom to be , and freedom from judgement. Keep a close eye on him, protect from anything truly dangerous, but make sure you never fuel bad behaviour by forbidding it.

Try to relate to your son by finding common ground. Remember your own teenage years, be honest with him about the mistakes you made so he can have the opportunity to from them without making them himself. Now understand that he will make his own mistakes, and be there for him when he does. Be approachable and listen to him, but don't expect him to want to talk over every little thing. Teenagers need time alone more than any other age-group. It may seem like stuck up in his room listening to music or glued to the computer screen is a waste of time, but it is essential that you allow him to have his time alone and don't encroach upon his space.

Dealing with the issue of sex is one of the trickiest areas of raising a teenager. Talking to you is probably the last thing he wants to do, but one way of dealing with this no-go area is to interact with him man to man. Making a lighthearted joke about something sexual may seem distastful to you as a father but it is really important that you engage with your son on his level; this doesn't mean being crude, it just means that you need to make sex an accessible issue, not such a big deal. By avoiding all mention of what is probably your son's most thought-about subject, you heighten his interest even further. De-mystify it by discussing it without the gravity of a lecture.

The key to dealing with your teenage son when he is out of line is staying calm. He will rebel against anger. So just explain what he has done wrong, why it is wrong and ask him what he thinks a suitable punishment would be. This way he learns from punishment and will feel like you are respecting him. By respecting him, you teach him to respect you.

Learn more about this author, Arlene Copeland.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.