by SepiaTones

Created on: February 18, 2009

Many moons ago in my younger, more adventurous years, my husband decided he would be more content to live in the country.

Though I am by no means a city girl, I do appreciate the convenience of living in town. Also I am scared spunkless of slithering reptiles and have an unhealthy, and probably irrational, fear of stinging scorpions. Having moved to Texas from the bug friendly north, I still find it difficult to believe that these little critters are often found inside peoples' homes.

While bemoaning my future demise to some church friends, an old gal from Dilly, Texas tried to reassure me that I had nothing at all to fear. Here was her sage advice: "ya'll don't worry about it, just go out and get yourself some Guineas and you won't have one problem with snakes or scorpions. (Though I think her pronunciation sounded more like "scorpuns").

Not quite comforted, I thought to myself, "what in the sam-horizon is a Guinea?" I still believe it was a valid question. I'd heard of New Guinea, that far off country where people eat odd things. I knew about Guinea pigs, which we all know is nothing like a pig. I was truly at a loss. You can't imagine the things I imagined!

She explained that this great speckled bird is a type of fowl that feeds on the creepy creatures that I most feared: snakes and scorpions. She seemed to believe that no thinking scorpion was going to approach a house being guarded by Guineas, such fear-invoking creatures! It was all very intriguing.

But geez, Louise! I was not looking forward to life in the country and I certainly did not intend to become mother hen to a bunch of speckled Guineas. I mean that's the same as keeping chickens, right? Can you imagine anything so unsanitary? And do you know of a dumber creature on God's earth?

While I understood that Miss Dilly meant well and that she was probably right about the Guinea diet, I just couldn't take it all in.

Shortly thereafter, we did move about 15 miles outside of town. Just as I feared, it took a 20 minute drive on a dusty dirt road just to pick up a loaf of bread. I despised coming home by myself after dark because the developers had not bothered to plan for lighting and I knew if a burglar awaited me, it would take me less time to bleed out than it would take the Sheriff's Office to get here.

To fully christen my new country life, one day as I was leaning on the bar talking to a friend on the phone, I watched as a giant scorpion crawled from under the dishwasher. The fear that gripped me caused

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>