by Linda L Kinyon

Created on: February 18, 2009

Young children are rarely faced with dealing with the death of a sibling, parent, other family member or friend. When they are faced with dealing with such adult things it can be a very difficult time for them.

Explain the death as gently as you can. " 'Grandpa' (or whomever) couldn't stay with us any longer. His illness was too bad and the doctors tried to help him. We will really miss him on earth. He is in heaven now". Or some other simple explanation.

Answer questions honestly. Children are famous for asking blunt questions especially during this difficult time for you.

"Did it hurt to die?" an innocent child will ask. The best reply is that we honestly don't know but we certainly hope it didn't.

"Was grandpa scared?" asks another child. I hope he wasn't, you might reply. Grandma held his hand or some other close relative did.

"Could I die next?" inquires the child. Everyone does at some point but we expect you to be around for a very long long time is a good reply.

If the death is that of a sibling you have some extra tough circumstances to deal with. Often a sibling will get angry with another sibling and "wish them gone" and then when the sibling dies the child will blame him or herself.

Assure the child that no matter what the circumstances, it wasn't their fault. If the sibling had a disease or injury, make sure to explain that to the child. Remind that child that not all injuries lead to death and not all diseases end in death.

This type of situation will play out longer than most other deaths with a child.

The child may appear to not be traumatized but in reality it may take years for the child to acknowledge and deal with a siblings death, especially if they were close.

Explain what a funeral and memorial service is and if at all possible, take the child to the funeral or memorial service. This seems cruel in some ways but I assure you, it will pay off in the long run. Never force the child to look at the deceased. Some will want to and that is fine while others will not want to at all.

Children need to be able to say goodbye and have closure on a death. A funeral or memorial service is a good way to do this.

Also, without a funeral or memorial service the child often believes he was lied to (though he or she may not admit it) and believes that the sibling is alive somewhere and will eventually come back or worse, that it may be him or her that is "gone" next.

Consider Counseling for the child at least a few times. Even if the child seems to be dealing with

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>