by Lizzy Fox

Created on: February 18, 2009

Forgiveness is the key to not only having a child trust you but also helping them to develop a sense of justice and security. If there are things that a child can do to lose your forgiveness and trust then he or she will begin to despair and have a dismal view of how the world works. The basis of the relationship is no longer related to love but now related to what the child does to earn affection. The child will be very afraid of messing things up and ask questions such as do you still love me. Children feel most secure when they know they may deal with consequences, but do not have to be concerned about loss of love or place within the family. The are less critical of themselves and learn that everyone makes mistakes. Children can then learn more easily about restoring things when a mistake has been made.

A parent will love his or her child even in the midst of the child making mistakes. It is very important for the child to know that he or she must make the situation right and then the harmony will be restored. There is a large difference in there being consequences for negative behaviour and a child being made to feel guilty for an extended period of time. It is important to offer the child security that he or she will obtain forgiveness and that his or her worth to you was never at stake.

In the case of teenagers, if a more serious offense occurs, sometimes consequences are more far reaching. For example, if your son or daughter receives a ticket for going 40 mph over the speed limit, he should not be allowed to drive for a considerable amount of time. The forgiveness should still be given. You should not taunt him and bring it up constantly. He should be aware that he will be trusted to drive again, but it will take time. He will have to earn your trust with small steps forward until he is again a fully trusted driver.

A child needs to have the security of knowing that no matter what they do they can trust you to be there to protect them. If they do something to hurt themselves, you will be there for them. If this is the case it is much easier for them to come to you when they have a large problem. If they feel like they cannot gain forgiveness, they are more likely to lie or try to fix a situation that is too big for them on their own. The trust that is gained will help the child to be able to admit he is over his head and know that he may get in trouble but he will be loved always.

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