by Paula A

Created on: January 25, 2007   Last Updated: May 16, 2007

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day via email, she was saying how down she felt, she had been for an interview and was turned down again. I was trying to get her to be positive about it and said that I thought things happened for a reason and there is probably a better job just around the corner with her name on it.

She came back with something about how she doesn't think she will ever get a job here and might have to relocate abroad and if she could find work there she would just fall off the end of a pier or something and that would be the end of her miserable life.

I don't know why but this made me quite cross and upset that my friend could think about her life being over because of one interview when she has so many other things which could help to get her through the hard times if she just thought about it for a few minutes and stopped feeling sorry for herself.

I told her not to talk like that because if you think negative thoughts you will come across as a negative person, you have to think of the positive things in your life and that there is always someone worse off than yourself. I said she should read some of the stories I have about sexual abuse and how people survive and that is what counts in life.

She said that it takes guts to be a survivor and that she doesn't have that so what's the point?

I told her it doesn't take guts it takes sheer determination. She had no answer for this statement and didn't reply.

What do you think, does it take guts or like me do you believe it is determination that gets you through any awful experience in your life?

In my everyday life I just go about my business do my job to the best of my ability and don't think too much about my past experiences until I hear someone talking about ending their life or how everything is just so negative. This always makes me think how easy it would have been to end my own life and I then bounce come alive and I wonder how I could have contemplated doing such a thing when life is worth living, its worth hanging onto no matter how hard the day is.

I can be very stubborn sometimes especially when I believe in something and my belief in life has got me though all the bad things that have happened to me. Yes at times I have thought about suicide but it was fleeting and I didn't wallow in it, I dragged myself up and thought about the day when it would get better.

I was determined that one day my life would be better, maybe not at thirteen, maybe not at sixteen not eighteen or twenty one but one day it would be my turn to shine and today I feel I am shining, really bright and that is through sheer determination not guts!

Please don't give up, I know it's hard some days but one day your pain will end and it's only you who can survive the hell of it now to shine in the future.

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