by Eddie Vegger

Created on: February 18, 2009

People in conflict have quite a few options to choose from to settle disputes. The easiest and most direct approach is to talk directly with the person you are having a conflict with and try to work things out. For people that are on good speaking terms, this approach works well. Unfortunately, many people cannot resolve their disputes through a civil conversation or two. Too often, people in conflict believe that taking legal action is the logical next step. There are situations that are severe enough to warrant civil action, but many conflicts that end up in court could have been taken care of through the mediation process. Why does it matter? Here are several reasons. First, mediation can be done for a fraction of the cost of taking legal action, especially if the case actually goes to trial. Second, most mediations can be taken care of in one or two sessions, spanning a total of 5 to 6 hours, which compared to the time most people spend in prolonged legal battles is a pittance. Third, in mediation, disputants retain control of the outcome of their conflict. Any settlement that is negotiated between them is done so by mutual consent. But the most important reason to consider mediation is that it works. When you take high priced attorneys out of the picture and let two people sit across the table from each other and you allow them to be led through the mediation process by trained facilitators, the probability of the conflict being resolved is high.

I am a certified mediation practitioner and have worked as a volunteer mediator for the past five years. The majority of the cases that I have co-mediated have resulted in a signed agreement that both parties can live with. On a number of occasions, I have also seen relationships that have been battered by conflict and misunderstanding begin the process of healing and renewal. The situations I have mediated are diverse, from divorced parents writing a parenting plan they can both live with to landlord-tenant disputes to employees who are having conflicts at work. The process is the same. Disputants are told what the ground rules are and are asked to sign an agreement to mediate. The agreement asks for their commitment to mediate in good faith and to refrain from using language that might antagonize the other party. Each party tells their version of the story, initially to the co-mediators. The participants create an agenda of items they want to resolve. Next, the parties are asked to negotiate directly with the other party to resolve differences and reach settlement. Mediators are trained to intervene when things get to hot, to point out areas of mutual agreement and to stop the mediation if there is an obvious power imbalance. If the disputants have reached an understanding (which happens in 9 out of ten times, in my experience) a written settlement agreement is drafted and signed by all parties present.

When people come to the mediation process with open minds and negotiate in good faith, amazing things can happen. It's not magic. It takes two people who are willing to at least consider moving from their previous positions. It also takes the guidance and care of trained mediation practitioners. When these things come together, it just looks like magic, because the process works so well.

So next time you are involved in a conflict and you are considering going to court over it, Google "mediation" and find the nearest Dispute Resolution Center. Your checkbook, your sanity and your day planner will thank you.

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