by Jane Allyson

Created on: February 17, 2009   Last Updated: May 12, 2010

Watching our children grown from tiny infants into people with thought and opinions of their own, is a journey which is going to culminate with the knowledge that one day your precious child is going to want to fly the coop and find a new nest to call home.

Our daughters are precious. From the first moment that they are born we make a silent vow to protect them forever and to give them all the happiness in the whole world. We watch over them with a fervent joy and treasure every new step that they make, in their foray into a world as beautiful as it can be deadly. We nurture. We give our love unconditionally. We keep them safe and happy, cushioned against unhappiness and keep them secure in a cocoon of motherly affection.

But how do we feel when the situation slips between our desperate fingers? What do we do when our child has grown into a young woman and she makes it abundantly clear that she has her own ideas on what is going to bring her happiness now? And who she wants it delivered by.

It is no wonder that we greet a new boyfriend with barely disguised suspicion. This cuckoo in the nest has stolen your daughter's
affections, and you simply cannot understand why he rocks her world let alone be favored by more than a cursory glance.

Since when was the last time she had a conversation with YOU and yet, you ask yourself, what is so special about him that he can absorb her attention for hours on hand, when she can barely give you the time of day.

I will admit that my own daughter's boyfriend is a sweetheart who has not offered me one cross word in the many years that they have been together. He treats me with great courtesy and always takes the trouble to ask "how are you?" and makes the effort to hold a decent conversation with me when asked.

He is in fact a really pleasant chap and treats my daughter with as much love as I would have hoped she could have had from someone other than me. After all, just because your child has decided that she can split her loving heart in two, doesn't mean that you still don't want her to be happy.

If you are having trouble coming to terms with your daughter's new beau, and you feel that she has made the wrong choice, there is one important thing that you must tell yourself. She will only be able to see the situation from his side of the fence.

She can't help it. It's called true love and unfortunately it can blind us to the faults of the people that we love. This may help to keep you calm the very next time that you feel like ripping his head off and stuffing it down the back of the couch. It isn't your daughters fault. She is blind and he will use this blindness to his advantage by undermining your authority as a sensible parent if he is challenged. So my advice would be to stay quiet and see what the future brings.

After all, if your instincts are correct and this new guy is a washout, then your daughter is going to have to work it out for herself. The more you criticize, the more you will turn her to his side.

How much better to be the person that your daughter can turn to for comfort, when her guy lets her down for the umpteenth time. How awful to think that your daughter may be staying with him because she has lost face in a situation and is staying in the relationship out of some misguided sense of pride.

How could she know that you would never turn to her and say "I told you so", when things go wrong.

The best way to avoid having an argument with your daughter's boyfriend is to remind yourself that you yourself made choices once upon a time, and did you ask permission from your parents when you wanted to fall in love with someone?

Like I said. My daughter's boyfriend is a sweetheart. I know he is because I tell him so.

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