by Janet Farricelli CPDT-KA

Created on: February 17, 2009   Last Updated: February 20, 2009

So uncle Brad is not too fond of your newly acquired husband. You sort of knew it right away from his lifeless hand shake and that fake smile. If he was your daughter he certainly had a lot to say. And what about cousin Laura? If it would be for her, you wouldn't even be married: the pickiest lady on earth with 5 divorces behind.

When it comes to relatives that dislike your spouse, your life as a spouse may become pretty miserable. Social gatherings may resent from such dislikes. In some cases, the only time you would really have to worry about their presence is at your wedding reception (if you think it is worth inviting them). After that, you are free to do as you like. You can keep them out of your social gatherings and cross them off the list of your famous Christmas cocktail parties.

Relatives that dislike your spouse are not worth the hassle of dealing with them. If you really love your spouse you should lead these annoying relatives to an ultimatum: either they accept your spouse for who she or he is, or you can avoid them as the plague. Truth is, if they really love and care for you, they would ultimately close a blind eye on your relationship and act respectfully.

There are many reasons why relatives may dislike your spouse. In some cases, there may be conflicts between beliefs, religious or political affiliations, lifestyles and looks. Some relatives may have a hard time accepting your spouse because she dresses far from conservatively or because he has long hair. Some relatives may not accept the fact that your family has a decade long history of being lawyers and your spouse is a drop-out construction worker or because they are Democrats and your wife is a strict Republican.

Whichever the issue, it can be solved in two ways: either closing the doors or opening them. If you decide to close the doors you may let them clearly know the reason why you will not want to see them again. You should not have a problem in saying so, after all, they have no trouble in clearly expressing their feelings of dislike. If you decide to keep the doors open, talk clearly to your relatives explaining they must respect your choice and that there will be no space for negative feelings.

Many times, the reason why your relatives dislike you spouse is because they tend to stereotype. They may think that because he has a big tattoo on his arm he is a rough man or because she doesn't go to church every Sunday she is a sinful lady. The cure lies often in simply letting them get better acquainted with each other. Prepare the grounds for a forced conversation where all the good qualities will come out. Let uncle Brad know that even though he does not have a high school diploma he has a great knowledge about cars, let Aunt Laura know that he has many more qualities than all the men she ever encountered. With some time, many plus sides will eventually be unveiled.

Truth is, if your relatives really care for you, they will respect your choice and try to overcome the adversity. They may really ultimately come to a point where they may honestly begin to accept your spouse or for sake of peace they may pretend to do so. Whichever the outcome, the most important factor is that they will not show any negative feelings in front of you and your spouse and that they will no longer interfere with the flow of your marriage.

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