by Catharine Beale

Created on: February 17, 2009   Last Updated: July 19, 2011

Spare the rod and spoil the child: Neurotic parents everywhere invoke this violent refrain as an excuse to vent their frustration, and sometimes their rage, on naughty children every day.

What could a small child possibly do to merit this treatment?

How could this possibly work?

Children make mistakes. That's given, for all of us. Spanking a child who forgets, or has some careless accident, or yields to temptation is not going to undo what's already done. Negative reinforcement?  It doesn't work.

But a few sharp smacks on a little behind does teach a lesson: It's OK to hurt someone smaller than you.

Psychologists point out that kids who receive physical "punishments" have lower their self esteem. Children who are spanked and otherwise abused - verbal spankings count here - turn into bullies on the playground. Grownups beating up little kids? What's good about that?

Misery just loves company.

My guess is that parents who think they need to get physical with their own kids to keep them in line are just not very good at showing how much they love them.

In my experience, a child who feels loved will do anything to love you back. That includes rising to your expectations. Ask them to do something, and they'll jump at the chance. Those are the children I know.

But some parents underestimate the power of love. Then something goes wrong. All blame points to a guilty, bad boy or girl.

I know mothers and fathers who hit their kids as a solution to everything from bedwetting to sloppy reading to badly timed rebellious phrases. It usually starts around age 2. But I've seen parents slap infants who couldn't even talk yet.

Much of the time, it's those Terrible Twos where the dark side of Mom and Dad begins to surface. Suddenly there emerges a strict disciplinarian no one knew existed, a volatile adult filled with rage. And the spanking begins.

Spanking hurts.

You may not need a BandAid when it's over, but this is painful. Remember the Federal Express employee stationed in Singapore years ago whose teenage stepson did something stupid? The kid was arrested. In Singapore, where they whack grown men and women on the buttocks with bamboo sticks, it's considered torture. Do it long enough, and the person you're spanking passes out from the pain.

Yeah, if it works in Singapore, why not use it on children?

Look: By definition, spanking, like any physical punishment, is abusive. It doesn't make any intelligent points about the misbehavior. There's no logic in

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