by Relda

Created on: February 17, 2009

I am here to tell you it is possible to have a happy blended family. When my husband and I married, we both had a previous marriage that ended in divorce. After a divorce, you have a tendency to withdraw yourself to keep from being hurt again. With children born into the family, you have to put the hurt aside and learn to live all over again.

My husband has 6 boys from his previous marriage and I have 2 girls and 1 boy from mine. We had known each other before we got married and knew the circumstances of each others divorce. We began to form a close relationship with each other. His 6 boys lived with their mother and my 3 lived with me.

We married after dating for several months. His boys would come to visit every other weekend and I tried so hard to do everything right to gain their respect and be accepted as part of their family.

Most of the time they were sent to our home with a bag of dirty clothes. I was up late, late at night washing their clothes just so they could have clean clothes to wear all weekend. I didn't complain. I worked a full time job during the week and their mother did not work at all. I was presented as the enemy in their eyes and that was how I was treated by them.

After 6 months of marriage my husband said he wanted to try to get custody of the children. How could I tell him I felt uneasy about it when he takes care of me and my 3. He treated my children with respect and they wanted for nothing. He made sure they had everything they needed. I told him I would support him and his decision.

We went to court and won the custody battle. Moving the children in with us was a hard step to take. I had to make major changes to accommodate for them. We put them in school and I quit my job to stay home due to the extra responsibilities of taking care of 9 children.

It was not easy. I will be the first to tell you it takes work. Long hours praying during the day put me in the right frame of mind by the time I picked them all up from school.

I tried to supply their needs by gaining their trust. I kept the door open for them to come and talk to me about any problem they had. I allowed them to voice their hurt and anger of our marriage. They wanted their mother and father to be their parents and not their father and step-mother.

We had many months of transition and many years of learning about each other. With much patience, they started to come to me for help with homework or problems at school. We did things together as a family and attended church regularly. They were growing physically, mentally and spiritually.

We each had a personality that clashed sometimes and yet we still continued to grow closer together. We learned to value each other as individuals and as a family member. All 9 of our children are grown now and we have several married with children of their own. They are all close in heart, but live far away from each other.

We have them from coast to coast and in-between. My husband and I have been married for 20 years and our house is the one these wonderful children come to for holidays, weekends and "just stopped by to see you" days.

Yes, there is happiness in a blended family. It takes much work physically. It takes respect from both sides. It takes organization. It takes much patience. It takes much love and a determination to make it work. It takes God loving through you to melt down the barriers.

Most of all, it takes commitment from the parent and step-parent to model a family attitude and show affection for each other which in turn gives the children security and stability.

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