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Mysteries OF Married Life

Andrew woke up, turned over on his side and bumped ino his much younger wife, Denise. "Oh my god!" "What?" said Denise, still sleepy. "Beautiful girl on this side of the bed," Andrew replied.

"I've been here all night. I'm here every night."

Oh, that's right." Andrew said, trying not to show on his face the pain he was getting from his arthritic hip. Denise rubbed his face.

"You need a shave," she told him. "Yes, I need a shave. I shave when i wake up in the morning."

"I thought a gentleman shaved twice a day," Denise said.

"I'm not a gentleman."

When Denise sat up to get out of bed, she couldn't find her slippers. Eventually, Andrew found them on the other side of the bed. Denise had no idea how they got there, and neither did her husband. She thought it might be the work of an ant colony, or maybe burglars. He calmed her down by saying he doubted her explanations, though he had no better answer.

The incident brought back another memory to Andrew. "You know," he said, "when I was with Rachel"-that was his first wife-"we had the same kind of thing happen. We used to have two pillows on each side of the bed, but when we woke up in the morning, the pillows were switched. Neither of us had any idea how it happened. And it went on that way for several years."

Denise listened to Andrew's story attentively, then thought it through.

"Was there any money under the pillows?" she asked him. Andrew was taken aback by the unexpected question. "No, not that I can remember. Why?"

"I was thinking maybe the tooth fairy came in." This wasn't quite the explanation that Andrew was expecting. He wasn't quite sure if she was serious or not, but she stared at him, waiting for an answer. After a few seconds, he thought he should say something. "Well, we closed the door at night. I don't think the tooth fairy could get in."

Denise gave him a look questioning his intelligence. "The tooth fairy doesn't come through the door," she smirked. "She's in the air, or something." She then shook her head, as if she couldn't believe she had married someone who didn't know that.

Andrew wasn't sure how to continue the conversation. Finally, he said, "You know I don't really think there is a tooth fairy." Denise looked back at him, condescendingly. "Yea, right," she said, starting towards the door. "Next you'll be telling me there's no Easter Bunny."

"I don't think there is an Easter Bunny," Andrew said, after a moment's thought. This statement was greeted with more ridicule by his young wife. "Well, then who's lap was that my kids were sitting in last spring? I still have the picture." She walked out the door, shaking her head.

Andrew didn't know what to make of any of it. He got up, walked out the door, and tried to erase it from his mind.

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